CRYSTAL... I'm very sorry........

Avatar for stre2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
CRYSTAL... I'm very sorry........
2
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:00pm
For upsetting you with my reply to your "What a Week" post... but I hope you know that sometimes the words that upset us are the ones that make us change ourselves. There have been many words posted to me that not only upset but hurt ME but eventually, those same words were the ones that made me realize WHAT *I* was continuing to do to myself!

I don't doubt the fact that OM has done 99% of the manipulating in your relationship... my MM did the same... most of them do. As far as this board having some sort of a NO tolerance rule for breaking NC... I must disagree because many of us (myself included) have broken NC. But what you need to understand is that those of us that have managed to accomplish inner peace and have been successful in letting OM/MM go have learned that NC is the only way and my only goal was to have you learn from my experience without living through it and through all the pain that it involved.

Sweetie, I *KNOW* you're trying and I know it's not easy but the irony of your own words is what makes me want to help you see your own reality...

"As for my marriage - I've said this over and over again.

I do not feel I can put my all into it till I have OM out of my system."

You will never be able to put more then 10% of yourself into your marriage if you keep allowing yourself to miss and contact OM! How can I or anyone here make you understand that it's *not* OM that is controlling *your* feelings and emotions... it's YOU! And yes, as long as you allow your heart to be torn between OM and H, all your efforts towards making that connection with your H *will* be fake.

Sure, you can fake it till you make it but you won't make it as long as OM continues to have a part of your heart. If you truly DO want to rebuild your marriage, it's time to put your love for OM in a locked box and out of sight.... and BTW, unless we initiated them, most of our break-ups were bad and very hurtful but realizing that there is NOTHING we can do to change the past, we need to accept it, pick ourselves up and set course on a NEW journey that WILL bring us inner peace and true love of ourselves and others.

YOU deserve a heck of a lot more in this lifetime and I know you will accomplish it once you ALLOW yourself to LET GO and change paths to a happier journey!

Only YOU *CAN* make your dreams BIGGER then your MEMORIES....

Sherry

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:23pm
DITTO TO CRYSTAL. Sherry, I couldn't have said it any better and certainly not as short and sweet as you did! Just call me the wind bag!

To Crystal who I know truly wants to feel better by coming here...Love to you honey. We all care so very much and want to see you reach the side of the bridge we are all on. Take my hand. YOU CAN MAKE IT!

Love to you both!

GT

Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:53pm
Thank you Sherry-

I know you're saying what you're saying to help and I probably do need to hear it more that I'm admitting at the moment. I guess if I put it another way - I'm the alcoholic sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand and you are yelling at me to put it down and I want you to stop yelling, but if you do I might drink it. I just wish that stupid drink hadn't tasted so good. Some days you just don't feel like milk - you know??

Anyway - thank you. I think I need to do some deep thinking now. You've said a few things that have really triggered something for me in this last post. I do need to lock up those feelings for OM and put them away.

Crystal