CRYSTAL... I'm very sorry........
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|Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:00pm|
I don't doubt the fact that OM has done 99% of the manipulating in your relationship... my MM did the same... most of them do. As far as this board having some sort of a NO tolerance rule for breaking NC... I must disagree because many of us (myself included) have broken NC. But what you need to understand is that those of us that have managed to accomplish inner peace and have been successful in letting OM/MM go have learned that NC is the only way and my only goal was to have you learn from my experience without living through it and through all the pain that it involved.
Sweetie, I *KNOW* you're trying and I know it's not easy but the irony of your own words is what makes me want to help you see your own reality...
"As for my marriage - I've said this over and over again.
I do not feel I can put my all into it till I have OM out of my system."
You will never be able to put more then 10% of yourself into your marriage if you keep allowing yourself to miss and contact OM! How can I or anyone here make you understand that it's *not* OM that is controlling *your* feelings and emotions... it's YOU! And yes, as long as you allow your heart to be torn between OM and H, all your efforts towards making that connection with your H *will* be fake.
Sure, you can fake it till you make it but you won't make it as long as OM continues to have a part of your heart. If you truly DO want to rebuild your marriage, it's time to put your love for OM in a locked box and out of sight.... and BTW, unless we initiated them, most of our break-ups were bad and very hurtful but realizing that there is NOTHING we can do to change the past, we need to accept it, pick ourselves up and set course on a NEW journey that WILL bring us inner peace and true love of ourselves and others.
YOU deserve a heck of a lot more in this lifetime and I know you will accomplish it once you ALLOW yourself to LET GO and change paths to a happier journey!
Only YOU *CAN* make your dreams BIGGER then your MEMORIES....