Cyber stalking
Find a Conversation
Cyber stalking
| Tue, 12-22-2009 - 6:07pm |
I'm only on my third day of NC but I am cyber stalking him and can't seem to stop even though i'm creeping myself out.
| Tue, 12-22-2009 - 6:07pm |
Pages
GUILTY!!! I am friends with my AP on facebook... we constantly comment on each others' updates or pictures... or, USED to do so, until this week when we decided to just be "friends", now that has significantly decreased on both of our parts. I know seeing what he does on his status updates, etc, right now is giving me a false sense of control... and i KNOW I need to eventually delete him as a friend (and stop pretending we can be friends). All things I know I gotta do... but at this point, I just can't. I need something else to set me off to do that.
SiennaJaden your post in the beginning of this thread is espeically helpful and SO TRUE... wow. You have
Hi All,
Just wanted to say that I’ve been around the boards for a while--not as long as Clarity and Iddy--but for a little while now and I’ve seen posters leave in a huff and not agree with what the vets were telling them. Some return and tell them they were spot on. We’ve had a recent success story with a poster that did the very same thing several months ago. Only to return and give great support as they worked hard to turn their situation around.
Just a gentle reminder that the vets have been out of their A’s for years. Clarity, Iddy, Energy, and Victory to name a few could easily go on with their lives and know that the 100’s of posts each of them have done here more than pays back the support they received 10 fold.
So why do they do it? I can’t speak for them but my guess would be that it’s because they know the A drug. They know what a drug addict will do to hang on to a small fix. They were strong willed and fought the ending too. I wasn’t around back then but that would be my guess. I know I did. I would even buck what my T would tell me sometimes. After all, what did she know? So what if she went to school and had years of experience with people ending A’s! It’s me and I know what is best for me! Right? WRONG! Good thing she was good on calling me on my bs. She could spot when the A drug was talking as well as the vets here.
Also they have been around these boards for years and know what works and what simple does not with regards to ending an A. I don’t see EAS views as a cult anymore than I would see AA or a similar organization as a cult. They have guidelines and a program that they know works. Have others done it without using the AA guidelines?…Yes…but those methods don’t work for the masses and it’s few and far between that have success doing it their own way.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi there.. it is LATE and I cannot sleep as I am in deep pain. But that is not what I was going to go on about. I do want to put my 2 cents on here hehe. I dont think that this board is a "cult" LOL I think the advise given is great and I am saying this with experience LOL Ill explain. I technically am a newbie. I was in NC for a few days. Broke that tonight by sending him a Merry Christmas message. I know that when I do something as crazy as message him that I am setting myself up for more hurt. As it has been said. I feel like I am going to shatter. Thinking logically now no emotions. Out of site out of mind. Only way to go right? Now if I could make that stick!!! I seem to have no self discipline when it comes to wanting validation from him. Oh and I didnt get a response. Thank you for being there continuously even if I keep trying to contact him. I think just like smoking "cold turkey' is the way to go. I tried the once in a while bit for over a year and that has not worked (that is my experience with some contact) I was so devastated. I am devastated now. I really hope to be where the vets are now. Sorry to going on about me on your thread.
Merry Christmas everyone and I truly wish everyone on here some peace :)
Edited 12/24/2009 4:53 am ET by i_believe_in_myself
Hi Lost. So sorry you are feeling down these holidays- theres plenty of room in the boat.
If you saw on another post, Caribu asked me how i was and i went off on a tangent, which stated that i deleted AP in a fit of heroics then when the reality set in, i told him i accidentally deleted him as i didnt want to see an anniv post he made. He added me again but removed the offending post from his page- all 30+ comments of congrats & all. Now i wouldnt assume it was because he didnt want to hurt me in particular, but i find it a conicidence that he got rid of the exact post that he knew would upset me- although i know he is with W and we have ended our happily ever after fantasy.
I have put the settings to not show APs posts or what he has been doing but on occasion i do check his page out. I dont do that too often as it just makes me sad and i already know he is living life as is his right.
It has taken about 4 weeks in total from obsessing and visiting page 20 times a day, to now i go maybe once every 2-3 days. Its a comfort thing as it does still tie him to me even in a really impersonal way. I do want to cut completely but as i stated before, i like my XAP and i dont want to cut him off completely yet just like you. This is the sole reason i dont post in EAS or AAS. I feel that those boards do have a strict "No contact" policy and even if your A is over, they discourage any contact at all. I feel (right now) that NC is not for me but one day it might be. Until then, i will just lurk and silently give my wishes that everyone here gets to the place they need to be.
I hope you have a good Christmas and that you keep that invisible time frame in place so you can get yourself moving forward.
SB.
Hi Blue,
Thanks for responding.
And to everyone else... sorry for the outburst the other day. I was having a bad day. There are quite a few other things that are bothering me aside from the affair.
I will start a new thread so I don't continue hijacking this thread.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
Pages