cyberstalking
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| Thu, 08-12-2010 - 12:44pm |
(I wrote this for someone else and it's good shiz, I think. I deleted it from that thread - won't go into details as to why - and so reposting it on a new thread in case it can help someone.)
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What are you hoping to achieve by cyberstalking? This is a sincere, not rhetorical, question. These are questions I've asked myself:
Do I need to feel bad right now? Am I punishing myself? Do I want to agitate my emotions to distract myself from something? Am I avoiding thinking about/working on more productive things that are difficult for me to face? Does 'keeping tabs' on him somehow make me feel like I have some sense of 'control'? How does this make me feel about the A and the X - good? bad? angry? - and is any of that mental and emotional energy productive or healing for me?
A pretty good rule of thumb is that if something is not a positive/productive and/or healing endeavor, don't do it. I think that if you honestly answer the questions above, you will see that cyberstalking is hurtful and counterproductive, and has NO value to you. In your fogged up and f'd up mindset, you _might_ argue that there is some value to it; but, you're wrong. Sorry. wrong. Don't trust that voice in your head that says otherwise; it's an idiot.
Now, you need to ask yourself how you can develop the self-discipline to stop behaviors that you know, logically, are hurtful to you and learn to control impulses that are fueled by negative emotion and that idiot voice. Until you gain self-control and insight, you should set up very strict rules for yourself. Take the guesswork out of what you should or should not do but putting your trust in the hands of people you respect and who have experienced the sort of healing you want to have for yourself, and listen to and follow their recommendations to a tee.
Eventually, that idiot voice will be bored and go away.
I hope you have a great day today. One that you can be very, very proud of.
All the best,
Dee

Thanks D! I read it on the other post... and well um yeah it will be more useful here.
I think its so important for everyone here to understand the NC also includes cyberstalking. Don't start counting off days if you're
Yeesss Dee,
I would simply not be where I am today had it not been for the relentless, incredible, earth-shattering, fog-busting guidance of yourself, the others Tweeners and Vets.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
THANK YA, THANK YA, THANK YA!!
I was gonna start a thread about FB. I know you know how many posts we have seen where FB reunites old lovers...and it allows newbies to stalk....its like FB unintentionally has breeded A's and stopped people already engaged from healing. TRULY healing. I know it's not FB, its the people. I am just thinking that if it were not for social networking sites of all kinds....A's would not be so easy to get into...i mean the opportunities would be less to reconnect after all these years and it would also STOP newbies from gettting their feelings hurt.
Oh well FB is here to stay...so people (including me at times) need to control their impulses.
Man oh man, what if we did not have cell phones....that would have made things really tough!
Thanks for the post....
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Dee, this is good shiz as most of your shiz is.