Day 0

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Day 0
12
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 10:47pm

I've come here for support. I need to go NC and I know it won't be easy. I am hoping I can lean on you all when I am feeling weak. My story may or may not be different than most, but the end result is the same. In brief..

I was with my MM for just over 3 years. Eight months into our relationship he separated from his wife. The "divorce" has been going on for over two years. In January, he told me he had signed the final paperwork. This morning he told me that they've decided to table the divorce until after their son's bar mitzvah, a month from now. I've lost count of how many times he's done similar things. I decided this morning that I was finished living in limbo.

I told him not to contact me unless he 1) has a final divorce decree in his hand or 2) has decided to reconcile with his wife. Frankly, I hope he hurries up and goes back to her so I can finally have some closure. I wish I could say that I was sad, but honestly, I am just very, very angry. The anger seems to come over me in waves and it is overwhelming. I need help managing that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
In reply to: idkwiwt
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 11:30pm

Hello IDK,

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2009
In reply to: idkwiwt
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 11:36pm

Aw Sweetie

I know from where you come from. My story is similar. Three years

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 1:29am

Hi I,

I’ve followed your story in another forum.

I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve read in many of your posts.

Good for you if you are ready to stop the madness.

A few things to keep in mind is the anger is not going to last. Start putting together a plan now as to what you will do when the anger wanes.

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So you are going to leave an avenue of communication open so he can contact you with this information?

We recommend blocking all avenues of contact within your control.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 7:55am
idk,

Welcome to our community. I am short on time right now....got to get to work, but I echo what E1 has already told you, especially this part:

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Also, keeping reading and posting. The support here is phenomenal.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 9:31am

IDK,

I am at work now and it is quiet right now, so.....

I've had more time to think about your post and you. You've been here before, haven't you? A year or so back? I remember you were fed up with things then. You know, living in limbo is not really living at all, right? As long as JAM has you on the sidelines, he is not going to do anything about getting a D, no matter what lines he continues to dish out. There will always be one excuse right after the last to remain M. I doubt that he and his W are anywhere close to a D; not by a long shot. He just tells you what he thinks you need to hear because he does not want to lose his piece of cake. Deep down inside I know that YOU know this, but accepting this fact is what is keeping you stuck. Are you really willing to lose anymore time (years) waiting on JAM?

Block and walk, Idk. You know what to do, but you haven't figured out yet that it's for your own protection. NC is not a punishment...it is a gift you give yourself so you can heal, develop self awareness, clear the A fog, and begin to see what you've been ignoring about yourself and your life. Sure, it's scary at first, but that won't last long because you will start feeling so much better in just a few short weeks. Once those continous lies you've been feeding off of stop, you will start eating a healthy diet of truth and reality. There will be no more "pretending" that there is a future with this JAM because you are going to realize there never was one or ever will be. Sure, the reality of it is going to cause hurt and anger, but this is mostly due to how we let ourselves become duped by the A fantasy. We bought into the BS, paying a hefty price, and then become p*ssed when we can't get our money back. Such is life and lessons learned.

Listen, I am not saying your JAM doesn't have feelings for you. It's more about not wanting to change his life for you. He is satisfied being right where he is and would be sad (for a while) if he loses you, but trust me, he will get over it and move on. Right now is the time for you to beat him to the door.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:13am
IDK,
I agree with everything Iddy just said....I know it is hard, but you have to move forward and take your life back! Take the time to really answer the question: would really want a man that acts like this in your life?

Read this over and over

" NC is not a punishment...it is a gift you give yourself so you can heal, develop self awareness, clear the A fog, and begin to see what you've been ignoring about yourself and your life. "

It will set you free

Wishing you strength and sending strong ending vibes your way
peace&light
Foggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:53am

IDK,

I will reiterate reading this over and over:

" NC is not a punishment...it is a gift you give yourself so you can heal, develop self awareness, clear the A fog, and begin to see what you've been ignoring about yourself and your life. "

It will set you free

It's true - I would not have believed it on Day 0 or 1 which was just 4 days ago for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 4:06pm

Thank you all for your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 4:32pm

idk -

I am relatively new here - Day 0 or 1 was a few days ago, so I won't say anything about protocol.

I am not going to push you do anything you 're not ready to do,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
In reply to: idkwiwt
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 5:11pm

((((IDKWIDT))))

I can't add any more to what these wise people before me have said to you

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