Day 11 of NC and i really want to contact him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2014
Day 11 of NC and i really want to contact him
5
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 5:55pm

Its day 11 of NC, I had been doing well but today I really feel like contacting him, to reach out and see if he still cares, I miss him so much, the talkes we used to have, the laughs, everything. Its stupid, I know I initiated NC but I thought maybe by bow he would have tried to make contact, maybe deep down I was doing NC in the hope he realised what he was missing out on and contacted me telling me how much he needs me. So lost at the moment

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 11:57am

Thank you, Bickerchic

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2014
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 4:02am
Clarity, so sorry to hear about your friend! HUGS!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 11:27pm

It's almost two weeks, and you've been strong.  And you have to realize that in those almost two weeks, he hasn't contacted you......and you know exactly why!  He doesn't care!  Sorry to be so blunt, but even if he cared about you as a friend, he would be checking to see if you're alright.  Either that, or because you started the NC, he's saying to himself "so much for her, and now I move on to someone new!"   You have problems at work?  TELL your husband, it doesn't matter that he doesn't really understand the dynamics of the situation, hopefully he will just listen, and understand how you feel.  If you have to, tell him that you just need him to listen so you can get it off your chest.  If he's the great guy you think he is, he will listen,and he will care.  Maybe he's feeling like you've been ignoring him recently.....and you probably have because you had the other one to listen to you and give you sympathy.  Hopefully by now, you know it was phony sympathy, just to keep you on the line.....he did what he had to do.  If he was so unhappy at home, he wouldn't BE there, he'd be single and available.  As it is, he does live the single life, but he's NOT available, and that's always his way out, if he needs one.  Hang in there, soon it will be 3 weeks, then a month, and your life will continue to improve.  Be Happy!

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 10:03pm

Bikerchic is right.  Getting out of the affair...being the one who put an end to it (and that was for a reason for that, right?) is all empowering.  Keep that power.

This is a tough time in NC...you're in the thick of it. Please do something to distract yourself....anything but call that man.

Call a friend and ask how SHE is doing to get out of your own head, grab a book, get down on your hands and knees and get that dustbunny out of that far corner, rearrange a section of a room, take your pet for a walk, play with your kids if you have kids, take a nice bath, use the breathing technique where you breathe in slowly and exhale slowly X3...anything but call that man. Read other posts here, post in to support others, read through the Healing Library for strength and fortitude.  There are 1,001 other things you can do besides call that man.

You said you have tried and failed several times.  Well there's a reason why you keep trying...because it doesn't work...no matter how much or which way you try...it's not going to work..."because it's not meant to work".

I promise you that this will pass.  I also promise you that you will kick yourself in the butt if you hand over your power.  

I'm sorry I'm late getting here, but I've been in kinda of a funk as my best friend passed away.  But I AM here now.  So...talk to me.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2014
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 6:44pm
Finding me, hugs! I am on day 10 or 11 of NC myself and sometimes it gets hard but i have found the more i read the board the stronger i get. Getting out of an affair is one of the most empowering things I could have done. I am learning so much about myself. please stay the course. sorry i don't have a better advice but stay the course. Keep posting when you feel low and need support.