Day 12 NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Day 12 NC
11
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 6:00pm
Well, despite the fact that the A ended in Sept, and I was totally NC for 10 weeks.....

I have officially restarted my count as of Valentines Day. This was the day that I recommitted to myself. A week earlier exAP contacted me to ask me for sex-I didn't respond but was gutted. I then fell into a spin for a few days and sought him out (and found him) on a dating site. I shut my fake profile down immediately but looked again on 13 feb only to see that ge goes on everyday.

I decided on V day that this was a mess!!! And I have to stop.

I have now been totally NC ( including cyber stalking) since then.

Unlike last time I amkeeping a count this time. I want my tweener wings!!!

Have to say it is sooooooo hard not to look at that site- you don't have to be a member. But ikeep repeating these words......

NC = no new hurts

IT DOESNT MATTER!!!!

Wish me luck guys

Iggy
You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 7:34pm
Iggy keep focused on who matters and you will surpass all your milestones with hard earned determination to see yourself in a healthy place. Set goals for yourself that are realistic to you and when you meet them you will be the most proud of yourself. Have you thought about counselling or therapy to be a further aid in moving past xap and searching for reasons that may keep you in one spot? I recently joined a support group that is showing me how much I do need indivual support in getting healthier. I know I should not be suggesting something I am not currently doing and I want you to know I see myself in some of the things you have brought up and I hope you do not mind me bringing T up:) Iggy you can do this I know you can, it wont be luck but hard work in moving forward. I am here for you if you ever need an ear:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 7:45pm
Iggy,

Without a doubt, you will earn those wings. I am so impressed with the growth & insight you have shown since you broke NC. And what a doozer it was! You have showed amazing support to people on the board, and speak with conviction and clarity. YOU are going to do this ... you don't need Luck. WE all believe in you.

Much Care,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 9:49pm

Iggy I too see much growth since you broke NC!

Cyberstalking is a tough one but indeed it gets us all messed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 2:09am

Thank you guys

I am DEFINATELY gettng a therapist and starting one on Tuesday 1 Mar. im very nervous and worried about how she'll react when I tell her the sordid details.

I need it though- I cannot do it alone and that was made clear to me when he broke NC and then I cyberstalked him.

He has made it clear that he will never be friends with me again (apparently the guilt is too much- but he's ok with a random root!). This part hurt me so much. I made the decision to end A but only after months of obsessing and analysing ever syllable as he pulled away from me. As my decision- it was hard, hurtful but I was ok (sort of)

When he broke NC and asked for a shag, and reiterating that we are never going to be friends again- it hurt me SO much. Why am I so affected by this!!!!

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 9:17am
Almost the same thing happened to me. I wanted to say goodbye ( really I wanted him to fall on his knees and say I'm so sorry, I've been such a jerk, like that was ever going to happen) and he says well I can't be in the same space as you if there isn't sex involved so... Yuck, tg I didn't go. What a jerk. If your therapist is at all judgmental, get another one. I wasted 4 years with a bad therapist who turned me off to the idea of therapy completely. Too bad because Ive wasted a big chunk of my life being miserable. The therapist I have now had a page in a psychology today search tool and as soon as I saw her mission statement, I liked what it said. When I met her I really liked her energy and felt totally comfortable, a huge difference from last time. This is so important so don't be afraid to approach it like you are making a big commitment or purchase.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 9:21pm
Hey Iggy,

Its so great to see you back on track and more fiercely determined than ever to find the peace and happiness you deserve. Hope your T on Tuesday goes well, I'll be thinking of you.

Sunshine and smiles

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 5:57am

Thanks mate

Im nervous as hell. I look like/am a serious professional woman with a great life, H and family. What the hell is she going to say when I say 'hi, I had an A for 18mths, did sordid,slutty things, and Im obsessed with him.... '

Ugh- how low does that sound...

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 9:34am

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 12:57pm
Most therapists will think you are a completely normal, flawed human being like the rest of us. Having an affair is not uncommon nor will many in the helping professions see you as anything but what you are: a professional woman with a great life that made a mistake and is now taking the right steps to become the person you want to be.

They will not judge you nearly as harshly as you do yourself. If you get any inclination otherwise, move on. There are 3 people in your life you should never hold back with: your doctor, your lawyer and your shrink!!!

You will be fine :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 1:46pm
... there isn't a therapist I know, that hasn't been or isn't currently in, therapy. For some of us, ongoing therapy is part of the expectation of the profession.

Walk in proud - not of your actions, but the courage to face them.

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