Day 12 NC
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Day 12 NC
| Thu, 02-24-2011 - 6:00pm |
Well, despite the fact that the A ended in Sept, and I was totally NC for 10 weeks.....
I have officially restarted my count as of Valentines Day. This was the day that I recommitted to myself. A week earlier exAP contacted me to ask me for sex-I didn't respond but was gutted. I then fell into a spin for a few days and sought him out (and found him) on a dating site. I shut my fake profile down immediately but looked again on 13 feb only to see that ge goes on everyday.
I decided on V day that this was a mess!!! And I have to stop.
I have now been totally NC ( including cyber stalking) since then.
Unlike last time I amkeeping a count this time. I want my tweener wings!!!
Have to say it is sooooooo hard not to look at that site- you don't have to be a member. But ikeep repeating these words......
NC = no new hurts
IT DOESNT MATTER!!!!
Wish me luck guys
Iggy
I have officially restarted my count as of Valentines Day. This was the day that I recommitted to myself. A week earlier exAP contacted me to ask me for sex-I didn't respond but was gutted. I then fell into a spin for a few days and sought him out (and found him) on a dating site. I shut my fake profile down immediately but looked again on 13 feb only to see that ge goes on everyday.
I decided on V day that this was a mess!!! And I have to stop.
I have now been totally NC ( including cyber stalking) since then.
Unlike last time I amkeeping a count this time. I want my tweener wings!!!
Have to say it is sooooooo hard not to look at that site- you don't have to be a member. But ikeep repeating these words......
NC = no new hurts
IT DOESNT MATTER!!!!
Wish me luck guys
Iggy

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Without a doubt, you will earn those wings. I am so impressed with the growth & insight you have shown since you broke NC. And what a doozer it was! You have showed amazing support to people on the board, and speak with conviction and clarity. YOU are going to do this ... you don't need Luck. WE all believe in you.
Much Care,
TU.
Iggy I too see much growth since you broke NC!
Cyberstalking is a tough one but indeed it gets us all messed up.
Thank you guys
I am DEFINATELY gettng a therapist and starting one on Tuesday 1 Mar. im very nervous and worried about how she'll react when I tell her the sordid details.
I need it though- I cannot do it alone and that was made clear to me when he broke NC and then I cyberstalked him.
He has made it clear that he will never be friends with me again (apparently the guilt is too much- but he's ok with a random root!). This part hurt me so much. I made the decision to end A but only after months of obsessing and analysing ever syllable as he pulled away from me. As my decision- it was hard, hurtful but I was ok (sort of)
When he broke NC and asked for a shag, and reiterating that we are never going to be friends again- it hurt me SO much. Why am I so affected by this!!!!
Its so great to see you back on track and more fiercely determined than ever to find the peace and happiness you deserve. Hope your T on Tuesday goes well, I'll be thinking of you.
Sunshine and smiles
Kat
Thanks mate
Im nervous as hell. I look like/am a serious professional woman with a great life, H and family. What the hell is she going to say when I say 'hi, I had an A for 18mths, did sordid,slutty things, and Im obsessed with him.... '
Ugh- how low does that sound...
Iggyx
I
They will not judge you nearly as harshly as you do yourself. If you get any inclination otherwise, move on. There are 3 people in your life you should never hold back with: your doctor, your lawyer and your shrink!!!
You will be fine :)
Walk in proud - not of your actions, but the courage to face them.
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