Day 20, feeling low
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Day 20, feeling low
| Sun, 02-21-2010 - 8:49am |
I'm not going to contact him but I can't seem to raise my spirits because he hasn't tried to contact me to apologize or anything. It wouldn't matter but i'd feel better if i could think he cared at all.

TSFT,
I am sorryyou are feeling down.
Too Smart-
I've been posting here regularly for over three months, and I've read all the old posts, too. Not once have I read, "Whoo-hoo! He contacted me and now I feel BETTER." But, I have read _a lot_ that newbies want to hear from the xAP to get closure, or a note of apology, or a sense that they are missed, wanted, etc. But believe you me, every time the xAP contacts them, if they do, the response is "Oh, sh*t. now I feel worse." "I'm back to square one." "I hurt even more now." and so on and so forth.
You feel low now, but you'd feel lower if you got what you think you want.
You're only 20 days out and you're doing fine. You've kept NC and that is huge. Take heart and be lifted by this achievement.
Prayer for strength and peace coming your way,
Dee
Three weeks is a critical mark, in my opinion. Initial emotions of anger or bitterness fade, reality sets in, and you start to forget all the bad things and start to miss good things.
Watch out for fishign attempts, because you are very vulnurable now. If you won't get any, be grateful - that's how you heal - through the pain.
Breathe deeply and take it day by day, hour by hour if you need to. You will feel better soon.
XOXO
Gone
Toosmart,
U do not want this man to contact you. U do not. You think you do...
Brief story, I ended things with MM. I blocked him every way I thought I could. I changed my number. I did everything I could to protect myself from him. For almost 3 months, I did not hear from this man. I did not think he would ever come fishing...ever. I wondered if he ever cared...loved...blah blah blah....
Well he fished tuesday. And I have been a mess since. I was doing so well. He took all that work and within seconds knocked me off my feet....He sent texts, he sent emails. He called, he was relentless. he got thru to me....
I was angry, hurt and upset. I am hurting...not nearly as bad as a new newbie, but it has played in my head like an old record over and over again.
And guess what, he said everything I ever USED to want him to say....everything!! His selfish A$$ had the nerve to say I wondered what it would be like now if you kept the baby!! MY MM is a devil. I do not even hate him, more like pity, because he is highly dysfunctional...
But when you get to as far out of your As I am, you may feel like me....
I feel like
HOW DARE HIM? How dare him think he can inject himself back into my life? How dare him think its all ok? How dare him comment on me or my children? How dare him ask me if I am dating someone? How dare him tell me he has to be a part of my life one way or another, even if its as "FRIENDS." How dare him? How dare him tell me his kids ask for mine? How dare him tell me he misses and loves me and if I will just give him three months....LOL.....he is delusional. How dare him tell me about how dumb the other OW are, and that I was different and that he really loved me? This sad pathetic being even had the nerve to tell me that he has been "saving himself for me" and the only person he has been with was his W, since we broke up...
He also said that this time he would be HONEST!!! Because know I know he is married and he has no reason to lie to me ever...LMAO!!! This is a sick, sadistic man. I know this.
I could go on and on...he said it all, threw it all in there with the KITCHEN sink and the dishwasher and garbage disposal....I mean he spent so much time and effort...then his phone must have went dead or something, cuz the txts and emails stopped and then an hour later, he was back at it all again.....PSYCHO!! Funny, cuz he painted me to W and all his friends that I was a stalker and crazy etc....
and guess what, he captivated me....he did. I read the txts and all the emails....I was a sucker!!! ALL for about 24 hours....and then I got snapped into reality.
And since then I have been posting as much as a new newbie (nothing wrong with being a new newbie), just pointing out all the DAMAGE caused by him breaking contact and screwed in the head I been since.
So back to you....HE is doing you the best thing he could ever do for you...because despite anything he would say had he contacted you, it does not matter...everything MM sent me, it does not matter, nothing has changed, including his lying manipulating A$$....not saying yours was, speaking of mine. Take this time to focus on you.
U would feel so much worse...I promise. just think even if he is hurting over you...wants to contact you, in the RL, what does it matte? what will be the end all? be all? what? there is not going to be a horse and you and him riding out into the sunset....there just is not....sorry to be harsh. But it is what it is...OVER. Let it be. Focus on you and you getting you together.
Hugs to ya.....it does get better. I swear.
Luvin
PS. Gonna post my own thread....I realize I am a little worse off than I thought...dang!!
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Greetings~
Count me in on one of the ones who wanted desperately to hear from xap. I wanted to know he cared/loved/missed me/thought of me. I posted a couple times saying I was a mess because of jealously that mine didn't contact me when almost everyone else got fishing attempts.
I realize now that it is a blessing that he hasn't fished