Day 3 ends in defeat. Day 1 again 2morro

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Day 3 ends in defeat. Day 1 again 2morro
9
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 11:50pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:37 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 12:32am

hazel~

Just a thought...maybe I'm way off here, but have you thought about actually coming clean with your H and admitting to your A?? Laying everything on the table, and then have the opportunity to rework a new and much more transparent and honest marriage, for yourself and your H? That way, the two of you could work together as a team to eliminate the other couple out of your lives...

I'm not much help right now, as I'm still struggling with depression issues etc today (hopefully feeling better in the next few days and will be able to thank everyone for their wonderful support on my post) but I can only imagine how difficult this must all be for you.

Be Strong my friend, and keep that big and long term goal at the forefront of your mind. Get some plans in place and have a think about that total honesty with your H.

Take care

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 8:27am

HR,

Are you trying to get caught? Why would you txt him after you left? To appease your fears? What could he have possibly said to make you feel better? If his W is suspicious then all the more reason to stay away from them. You need to stop playing with fire, HR. Either that or as Bestrong wrote, come clean.

JMHO,

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 9:48am

Hazel,
Coming clean came to mind for me, too. The situation seems pretty darn sticky.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 10:57am

Hi Hazel,

Just checking in to see what you have decided to do...how are you doing this morning?

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 1:33pm

Warning: Tough love here.
HR, he asked you to leave him alone.
Do you enjoy being rejected? Why did you text him? Do you realize how desperate and pathetic it looks to him? Imagine him telling his wife that you have crush on him or something like that - her comment didn't come from nowhere. He got himself covered in case she'll notice something.

Wake up. You need to exctricate yourself from this. I wouldn't go as far as coming clean to your husband - there is no need to hurt him - but you really have to get a grip and be proactive in ending this madness.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 5:37pm

Hi, HR~


Confessing to you h came to my mind as well.


I also have a wonderful h who knows I had the a due to me being careless about my activity (whether I did what I did-getting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 7:14pm

hazel~

Wondering how things are going for you, and hoping you'll let us know soon :) I've been thinking about you, and hoping that you are gaining a little strength hour by hour and day by day.

I just wanted to reiterate something about 'coming clean' to your H regarding your A. I know that there's alot of girls on this board who have H's who don't know about their past A's, and there's some here whose H's do know about the A's. I am one of those women - my H knows all about my A, the details, how it started, what it involved etc etc etc. I decided to tell him those things, although he needed to ask many questions too - which I answered openly and honestly. Yes yes yes, it's the most difficult thing to have to do for so very many reasons, but I KNEW that I had to be transparent with him in order for us to move through this. I owed him that.

Gone mentions in her post that she doesn't believe you need to tell your H as 'that could hurt him' - I'm sorry Gone, please don't take this the wrong way but isn't by having a lying, deceitful, cheating A in the first place 'hurting him' in the WORST possible way??? The fact that we did these things in the first place behind our H's back hurts not only our H's but us as well. In the worst way possible.

I know that many will disagree with me here, and that's so okay. This is simply the way 'I' feel about this - that a M can't be healed completely unless there is complete honesty and transparency. And I know, myself, that I couldn't live in constant fear, wondering if my H would ever find out down the track - he would have been even more devastated I think, and I also don't think I would have been able to end the A otherwise, if my H didn't know. I needed to be accountable.

Yes, it's a big risk, and yes, I understand that everyone situations and circumstances are different. But think about it carefully Hazel~ this could be a way for you to completely start fresh and show your H that you are committed to him and want to work for an even better marriage. But I will support you in whatever you choose to do (as long as it involves NC ;) as will everyone else here I'm sure.

Take care

Be Strong xx

5 WEEKS NC TODAY...and counting :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 9:17am
OH Hazel, don't be so hard on yourself, im guessin' we've all been there! and yeah, I also get the paranoia - I promised you my story when we talked Sat. and you'll get it the first chance I have to
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 1:52pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:39 pm ET by hazelrose2009