Day 3 NC - i almost screwed it up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Day 3 NC - i almost screwed it up.
9
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 3:26pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:33 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:19pm

Good for you for calling it off. I cannot imagine seeing my xAP next to his wife. His wife remained an abstract to me throughout our whole affair. That's how I rationalized it for myself - I never met her, so I could pretend she didn't even exist. Really pitiful.

If he asked you to leave him alone, that you have to respect that and do just that. Leave them all alone.

Good luck and grats on day 3.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:26pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:33 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:32pm

No. He's pretending for his wife that everything is ok. He can't stop doing things you all used to do (like getting together on weekends) without raising a suspicion.

Stay strong,
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:37pm

Hazel,

good for coming here...keep posting away. u do what u have to. we are here and I remember when I was a new newbie and things were so tough for me.

now, I am going to tell you something...U are playing with fire!! U are toooooooo close to home!!
U situation is so close to exploding that you need to separate yourself somehow. I realize this is tough because you need to do so without making H or W suspicious. But you have to figure things out. I do not know what the answer to this as it is complicated...but there has to be a way for you to distance yourself. Take a weekend evening yoga class...or join a book club, hell, make your own book club and do not invite wife. Or tell her about it.

I like the part of you that says WHATS the POINT? keep that frame of mind...Missing him is normal.
And if he asked you to leave him alone. LEAVE HIM ALONE...I know the rejection is gut wrenching. I get that....know that I do. But you have to do this, for you.

hugs and congrats on day 3. hope i helped....

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 6:15pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:34 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 7:50pm

hazel,
good for you on day three of NC. i know it feels like a hollow victory right now. i know you are hurting and bruised. pick yourself up and hold your head up a little higher. him telling you to leave you alone is the kindest thing he could ever do for you, whether he realizes it or not. do you really want to be with a man who says he doesn't want you? do not give him the satisfaction of knowing you are pining away for him--you are worth more than that. do not spill your heart or guts to him---that is why we are here.
keep coming back. if i could give you one piece of advice from my screwing up after a month of NC and ending up back here a year later it is this: endings are torture. they are hard and it hurts hard--whether you do it today or whether you do it in a month. don't lose yourself for another year like i did. take back your life and move on. good wishes and warm thoughts to you on day 3.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 11:46pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:35 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 12:02am

Hi Hazel,

I can sympathize...really I can, with seeing him, even if there are people around, is "better" than not seeing him at all. Not quite the high or fix...but none-the-less, a fix it is. My H knows my xAP as well...though not quite as closely as you all are.

Now, some tough love (yes, from a newbie like me). Do you want your M to end? Because the fire is hot hot HOT right now in the situation you have put yourself in.

Read the D-Day thread in the Library. That should scare you to your senses. At least it did me.

Tomorrow, Day 1 again...do you want it badly enough? Are the consequences of maintaining a relationship with this couple worth it? There are ways of being not available. A class on the weekends, a second job "just for some extra spending money, " ect. Or, just flat out not be available. Get the flu virus that can sometimes last for weeks...just do not have the energy to go out. Find a reason not to get together with these people.

Dust yourself off...tomorrow start again fresh. And go forward - not back.

Hugs,
Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 12:12am
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Edited 3/11/2010 6:36 pm ET by hazelrose2009