Day 4 NC....def NOT getting easier!
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Day 4 NC....def NOT getting easier!
| Fri, 05-14-2010 - 4:10pm |
So wondering if I am an exception to the rule. That I won't be like these other strong women who have moved on. After 4 days you'd think I would kinda be moving along in the right direction. I thought I was, but today is horribly hard (thinking about the w/e I guess...and when we spent

Feelin,
Look through some of my old posts. Our stories are so similar. I too would compare my H to xap while I was still thick in the fog. With therapy and a lot of hard work I began to realize my xap didn't hold a candle to my H. 4 days is hardly enough time to start feelin better. Just take 60 seconds at time and come here often. I didn't have this board until I was out of the A for 6 months. I relapsed a couple of times, but when I finally found this board in Dec.2009, I was saved. I finally had loving (sometimes tough love), kind women who had btdt and I gained my strength from them. Hang it there, things will get better, I promise!
Love, AAI
Hi FL-
Day 4, while that is a HUGe accomplishment, you are still just a baby in this process. You can't expect to feel better overnight- the A didn't develop overnight. This will take time. There is no magic pill to make you stop hurting or to make you love your H. Time is all that can help with both of those. Patience really is something I learned from this process. You can't rush through the recovery. You have to experience this so you can come out stronger on the other side. So know this, while you are hurting, your inner self is churning away to produce a new you- a new you that will be able stand strong and push out those thoughts of xap. A new you who can be honest with herself and her loved ones and can look herself in the mirror.
Don't be too anxious. Try to calm your heart. It will pass, but not today, and not tomorrow... but soon.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
FL,
IMHO, the first couple days and weeks NC are just about survival.
Hello
I can relate to the first part of your post as I am a newbie on here. I am only at 9 days. It feels like years LOL. I too question whether or not I will share my success story with EASers. I too have the good days and the the very bad days. On some days i'll be great one min and the next all I can do is think about him. But on a positive note I do believe that because we are at the very very early stages of our grieving stage we are still in the nasty "fog" as it was said on here over and over again; it is almost impossible to see any good coming out of it... Its that fog!!! But,I do believe that we too will clear the "fog". With NC!!! I know for me what I lack is self love. If I continue with this A I will lose whatever I managed to hang on to and let me tell you it is not very much :(. Heck if I had love for myself I would've left a LONG time ago rather than settling for being second/third whatever!
I am still in that stage where I think that his Sh*t dont stink. Sorry to put it in that way.. but I think he is "the one" still. But for me to go NC (on my own) before coming on here (obviously I failed at those attempts) It was my inner self crying for help. For me to take action. I did that..this time with the help and support of this board. I have a plan and the support from you guys :).. I am determined to free myself from this. Nothing good would ever come from such situation that was born out of deceit!!!
As for your DH I am not married so therefore I cannot give you first hand experience but as a single person I can tell you right now even though I do have men approach me to want to date me. Single available "NICE" men I have NO interest now AT ALL. So I suppose with your DH you need to work through the early stages and try to heal first. Im sure that once you start the healing stage things will look different to you. The "fog" is distorting your perception on things right now.
Here is a little quote about the grass being greener on the other side:
" When the grass looks greener on the other side, it's time to fertilize your own lawn."
"This came after listening to so many worries from others who thought everyone had it better. They spent so much time thinking about others lifestyles and wins, they forgot that all success starts working on yourself. This hung on my wall and still does as a reminder to nurture ourselves."
Hope you have a better day today! One day at a time. stay strong!
Edited 5/17/2010 6:37 am ET by livexlaughxlovex
Thank you lllx
Great advice as always from you wonderful people.
One thing that is REALLY helping me at this moment is to really focus on his bad qualities. Every time I have a thought where I'm missing him, I immediately think of something that I cannot stand about him, such as how self-centered & egotistical he is.