Day 8...And he's not contacting me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Day 8...And he's not contacting me.....
18
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 4:17pm

I know this sounds bad....but I always read on here about xAP's fishing and contacting, not really letting you go...well, I have to admit I kinda hoped he would. I told him 8 days ago it was too hard for me to continue and we ended very amicably, knowing we cared for each other but it was for the best to end this (after 9 months or so). I also keep

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 4:37pm

I am on day 18, and feel the same way!


I was also hoping, for some stupid reason, that I would get an email or something from him. Nope, nothing. Instead, I just find out that he is happily moved on and is on a trip with his wife to Cancun.


I need to move on. I want this all to end!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 4:45pm
I just read your recent post and sounds like we have a lot in common. We even posted about the same time. It's so hard. My xAP also could easily be with me and then be happy just to have me waiting in the wings until the next time. Meanwhile I am pining away, counting down the days until the next time. It really sucks. It's my own fault though for entering such a relationship in the first place. We reap what we sew I guess. Pay the price....I could go on and on....but
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 4:46pm

Not twisted...you want to know you made a difference, that he is hurting as you are, that you matter. You want to know that he is suffering horribly without the sound of your voice, the sweetness of your emails and texts. I fight that daily. It is as if you want to know they can't live without you in their life. My xAP has not fished or attempted contact but then again I was kinda straight forward about NC. Can't expect the boy to read between the lines because then NC wouldn't exist and the whole vicious cycle would start again.


It is like as a child they say look but don't touch and the moment no one is looking..BAM!...you touch. To me, kinda the same principle. You want them to not contact but then again you want them to be begging. I guess you are right...it is kinda twisted. LOL I get what you are saying though. I try to think he is miserable in his little facade of a life...acting happy...no one to use to make him feel important or get an ego boost...kinda a good image for me. Makes me realize I wasn't that much to him..I wasn't "real" to him..I was a past time when he HAD time.


Sorry started rambling a bit....having issues today I think. hehe

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 4:52pm

Thanks Hope...


You are right...I do that too! I tell myself at least he doesn't have the daily ego boost from me anymore that he loved so much....and that does help. Thanks for your response, all of them help so much. E1 has the best advice,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 5:20pm

Hi livefortoday - its a tough one that's for sure I would read posts where other xAPs were contacting regularly and I would be jealous wondering what the heck was wrong with me because everytime we ended (and there were many) I was convinced that was it and xAP would not contact me ever again (despite reading that they ALWAYS try to contact you again and get the cake back). I would cry, post here, go through the pain then little by little begin to feel better but, as predicted xAP would then start fishing again.

Dealing with the pain was awful so when xAP came fishing I was relieved to go back into the A it was comforting, it made me feel as though I did matter to xAP but it was short lived and the miserable cycle would start all over again.

The good thing was that the periods of NC made me stronger, it was tiny tiny steps posting here letting the advice slowly absorb... it does get you through. No, NC is not easy in the short term but over time its the quickest way to heal. LC just drags out the inevitable ending again or worse creates a potential D-day, reading those posts would chill me - that's the reality.

You are not alone its so tough and painful, keep reading and posting, there's great wisdom and support here.

((hugs)) Roxy




Edited 11/17/2009 5:35 pm ET by roxygirl2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 5:46pm

Yes…be strong…use the force…lol


I am actually going to agree with you. All of you. Wait, that may be a first.


There are few reasons we want them to contact us. Sometimes it’s so we can exercise our power to ignore them.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 8:39pm

When I ended my affair - almost 4 months ago - we went NC and kept it for about 3 weeks. I know all too well what are you talking about - how could he move on so quickly, how could he leave me, maybe he never loved me etc. It hurt so bad to realize that I meant so little to him. Oh and I cried and cried and cried and wanted to die to end this pain. It was terrible.

Then he finally broke down and called me. A few days later, he called again. And then again. And again.
We work together, so it's impossible to avoid him completely. He's staying in touch however he can. And now, 4 months later, I wish he'd just leave me alone, because I feel better on days when I don't hear from him and don't get to see him.

So...be careful what you wish for. If I learned one thing from this board, it is that sooner or later they all are coming back. There are very few really decent ones who'd leave you alone once and for all. They miss too much the attention, ego strokes, sex and whatever else they were getting out of it. So....stay strong, ladies:)

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:02pm

Livefortoday... Girl, I'm with you...today was also Day 8 of NC for me. I'm new and my story is over on AAS, but probably should be here. I posted over on AAS shortly after my A

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 10:33am

LC just drags out the inevitable ending again or worse creates a potential D-day, reading those posts would chill me - that's the reality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 10:51am

Sometimes it’s to keep the fantasy that we want to still cling to alive.


Hi E1!! Thanks, as always, for your wonderful advice.


I think that's the one,

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