Day 9 of No Contact and I am struggling like it is Day 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Day 9 of No Contact and I am struggling like it is Day 1
13
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 6:09pm

I regard and have been regarded, as an intelligent, logical and strong woman. Why in the world am I struggling today? Why do I miss EMM? I really wish he was a @#$%$# when it ended, reading all the stories on this board I am certain it would have been a lot easier for me. I have been trying so hard to make myself believe that he was a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010

aww Vanessa..I am so sorry you are having a bad day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

wow vanessa, I could've written this post word for word...we are in very similar situations, the only difference is no dday for xmm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2010
Vanessa, I've been asking myself the same questions. I, too, could have written your post word for word. I ended my A on Thanksgiving, instituted NC yesterday. Made it through today, and I know it will be one day at a time. You will make it. Stay strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

((Vanessa))

When ending an A, or any relationship for that matter, there will always be internal struggles going on. It's how we process our emotions, learning which ones are necessary to promote our healing and which ones hamper it.

You asked many questions that we are not qualified to answer, but I would recommend seeing a T if they continue to plague you. You will also find out that the further out you get, some of those answers will be forthcoming. Your insecurities could stem all the way back to your childhood and a professional will be able to help you with this.

My Xmm was not a @##%#$ either. One of the main reasons I ended our A was because what we were doing was putting his M, children, and career in jeopardy. He didn't see it this way so I had to be the bad guy and open his eyes. It was very painful but necessary. If you put things into perspective and accept that your A was a ticking time bomb, then maybe the decision to end this will become easier to deal with.

Hang in there. Think of a good day as when the sun shines, and a bad day as when the harsh winds blow,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Vanessa,

Im such & such days NC - something over 40...and recalling how PERVASIVE AND OBSESSIVE MY THOUGHTS WERE IN THE BEGINNING ....I want to share what LITERALLY WORKED, HANDS DOWN! FOR ME to get through those early days.

I switched my thoughts...oh probably 16,000 times a day. But the key to my success was I did it EVERYTIME.

You control your thoughts. You dont have to think of him at ALL.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and offering detailed advice Michelle, I will no doubt be practicing your thought process strategy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Renewal4me

Thank you for your continuous love, support and advice, i have no-one but my EAS family, not a single soul knows about my darkness, so your words are helping me incredibly. I acknowledged for the first time today that i am in need of professional help, i am on the search for a good therapist. For a long time i considered the A the result of my own selfish behaviour, nothing more nothing less, but i accept now that i have inherent insecurity issues.

Tomorrow will be a better day

(((Renewal4me)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Again thank you so much for your time Iddy, yes i am in the process of seeking a good

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Inigirl,

Hello again, thank you so much for your time and support. Dee posted the most wisest words today, in which i will engrave permanently in my brain, she states that should we be tempted to break NC, that one "missing you" text/email could propel the the chain of events to change our lives as we know them. Now that's food for thought.

Yes, i want to be in that success group Inigirl, I know we can do it.

xxxooo

V888

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