Hi, honey. I remember you from a while ago when I used to post here more frequently. First I would like to say how sorry I am about the loss of your father but from the sound of it, am I wrong to assume he was not very present in your life? Sometimes when we lose a parent or sibling, feelings of abandonment come along with it. Of course it's not their fault that they are gone and have left us, but our minds aren't always rational when we are grieving. Such feelings are very similar to the pain we felt when our affairs ended. We felt abandoned then too, and this may be why it has fired up memories of XAP and the need to be comforted by him.
I lost my father years ago and ironically my Xmm reminded me very much of him. I have always wondered if my attraction to him was more due to my wanting to rewrite history than to him as a person. He had very similar qualities to my deceased Dad, and because my father was emotionally unavailable all of my life, I subconsciously transferred those needs that were never met in my youth onto Xmm. As is so many of our stories, it turned out that Xmm was also emotionally unavailable, so the cycle just continued until I finally gained the insight into the whole psychological connection.
Congratulations on the successes of your daughter and how proud you must be. She will be the light that shines in your life now. I heard no mention of whether you are M or not. I have been M twice and am now widowed, so I know that even our marriage partners cannot always fill the holes we have inside of us. Our children can be the blessings that carry us through the tough times and it sounds like your daughter will be your blessing.
Finding the ankle bracelet was just a coincidence but if I were to attach any meaning to it at all, I would say it was more your father directing you to it. He wants you to forgive him for his broken promises just as the affair probably once broke you too. I know mine did. Even though I am 5 years out and still work with Xmm, something inside me will forever be broken, but I am doing the best I can to carry on and be the best person I can be. We get out of life what we put into it, and like you, my children and grandchildren are now my everything. I will never turn away from them again in pursuit of fairies and sugar plums. ;-)
Hugs to you, and I promise you will get past this difficult time. Xap is a memory and it's okay to go there once in a while, as long as you don't stay for more than a minute or two. The pain from both of these losses will eventually subside and life will go on.
(((Hugs)))
Iddy
~We cannot change anything unless we accept it.- Carl Jung~
I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate 200% to your post; last year I had ended my A (for good, I thought); and 5 months later my father died and I found myself running back to xMM. So YES it is normal for your father's death to stir up those feelings and memories. I hope you will be able to resist them; I wasn't and of course I got burned *sigh*
Congratulations for your DD! That is amazing :) hang in there sweetie.
hugs,
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
My father was very involved in my life. he raised my sister and I from the ages of 5 and 3. He was just not very nurturing. He was a wonderful Grandfather to my children.
(((Bigmess)))
Hi, honey. I remember you from a while ago when I used to post here more frequently. First I would like to say how sorry I am about the loss of your father but from the sound of it, am I wrong to assume he was not very present in your life? Sometimes when we lose a parent or sibling, feelings of abandonment come along with it. Of course it's not their fault that they are gone and have left us, but our minds aren't always rational when we are grieving. Such feelings are very similar to the pain we felt when our affairs ended. We felt abandoned then too, and this may be why it has fired up memories of XAP and the need to be comforted by him.
I lost my father years ago and ironically my Xmm reminded me very much of him. I have always wondered if my attraction to him was more due to my wanting to rewrite history than to him as a person. He had very similar qualities to my deceased Dad, and because my father was emotionally unavailable all of my life, I subconsciously transferred those needs that were never met in my youth onto Xmm. As is so many of our stories, it turned out that Xmm was also emotionally unavailable, so the cycle just continued until I finally gained the insight into the whole psychological connection.
Congratulations on the successes of your daughter and how proud you must be. She will be the light that shines in your life now. I heard no mention of whether you are M or not. I have been M twice and am now widowed, so I know that even our marriage partners cannot always fill the holes we have inside of us. Our children can be the blessings that carry us through the tough times and it sounds like your daughter will be your blessing.
Finding the ankle bracelet was just a coincidence but if I were to attach any meaning to it at all, I would say it was more your father directing you to it. He wants you to forgive him for his broken promises just as the affair probably once broke you too. I know mine did. Even though I am 5 years out and still work with Xmm, something inside me will forever be broken, but I am doing the best I can to carry on and be the best person I can be. We get out of life what we put into it, and like you, my children and grandchildren are now my everything. I will never turn away from them again in pursuit of fairies and sugar plums. ;-)
Hugs to you, and I promise you will get past this difficult time. Xap is a memory and it's okay to go there once in a while, as long as you don't stay for more than a minute or two. The pain from both of these losses will eventually subside and life will go on.
(((Hugs)))
Iddy
Iddy
<
((((bigmess))))
I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate 200% to your post; last year I had ended my A (for good, I thought); and 5 months later my father died and I found myself running back to xMM. So YES it is normal for your father's death to stir up those feelings and memories. I hope you will be able to resist them; I wasn't and of course I got burned *sigh*
Congratulations for your DD! That is amazing :) hang in there sweetie.
hugs,
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Thank You for your words.
My father was very involved in my life. he raised my sister and I from the ages of 5 and 3. He was just not very nurturing. He was a wonderful Grandfather to my children.