Deep sadness

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Deep sadness
4
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 12:26pm

I am a MW that recently ended a brief A, less than 2 months, with a MM. I couldn't deal with the stress associated with the A and I ended it. MM is a wonderful person and understood that this is what I needed to do. I know I made the right decision and I'm doing well with NC. As long as I remain occupied I am fine. When I have moments to myself I feel nothing but deep,deep sadness. I think I would feel better if I could just cry it out but the tears won't come. I want to release this sadness. Why can't I cry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: let_it_go
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 12:54pm

Are you able to cry (tears) normally? there are medical syndromes regarding this phsyically. I did a search for you on the internet incase this is physical.

http://static.highbeam.com/c/cosmopolitan/july012001/whycanticrypsychologicalandemotionaltollofsjogrens/

More info is needed incase this is not what you mean... that its psychological more than physical...I couldn't find anything on the 'net but then again I can't take the hour or so needed.

Maybe it would be good to talk to a counelor as they would know if its physical or psychological. <?>

as a huge cryer...I understand why this would frustrate you...i even have to "wait" sometimes just to be able to get in my car for the release...i've learned to rely on it if you will and wouldn't want to go without the ability..so I understand why you asked this question...

hope this helps,
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: let_it_go
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 1:15pm

awww I can TOTALLY sympatize - there have been times I've felt that too... and it's not until something strikes that particular emotional chord that the release finally comes. Here's my little suggestion. You are probably wanting to and thinking you want/need to grieve that exMM is no longer in your life and you miss him... but at some point when you can have a cry-fest... try looking at it from another viewpoint. Allow yourself to grieve going outside your marriage... think about your H and how much it would hurt him and the pain it's caused you for getting involved in the A... that MIGHT start the tears flowing and while you are thinking all that allow the emotions to cross over you that you DID care for exMM but you are glad you've allowed yourself to get back to reality! You'll leave the crying session PROUD of yourself and with a renewed sense of focus! It will be cleansing! :)

If that perspective doesn't work - think of another one and really focus! And then sometimes it just takes times. There were times where I did NOT understand why the sadness would not come out in the form of tears... then I realized it was coming out in the form of anger... which is JUST as productive if you focus it where it needs to be focused! ;)

Good luck and HUGS!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
In reply to: let_it_go
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 1:31pm

Thank you Lizzie,

Yes, normally I don't have a problem letting it out. For days I've been checking the TV listings searching for a good tear jerker movie. I always cry at those and I thought a good one might get it started. This is torture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
In reply to: let_it_go
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 1:47pm

You are right poster. And I need to refer to him as exMM. See, I hadn't done that in the first post. I do miss him. I feel the tears just under the surface and I just want it to happen. I don't want to be sitting at the dinner table or in line at the grocery store and suddenly burst into tears.

Right again. Selfishly I haven't considered H very much. He has loved me for many years and he would be terribly hurt should he find out. He did nothing to deserve this.

It really helps to write about it. I'm feeling a bit of release now. I had no one to share this with. I have a feeling those tears will come tonight.

Thank you so very, very, much.