Definitely Over This Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Definitely Over This Time
3
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:40pm
Hi. I haven't posted here in a very long time.... Don't even know most of the people that are in here. I am on day 10 of NC, blocked all my email addresses except one. That one I didn't block, but had forwarded to a girlfriend in case there was something I needed to know. He hasn't tried to contact me. Our last contact was via telephone..... Probably the 10th phone call that day. He called my cell at about 9:30 p.m. and started yelling at me. I had made the (mistake) of telling him my therapist said that he had control issues.... So he called me and said that he knew I was the one who had to be in control, that I always had to have the last word, no matter what, that that was how he knew..... Well, I hung up on him and turned off my cell. He left two vicious voicemails for me, about how he's so scared that I'm going to come up with the last word, that he'd always be looking over his shoulder, that not even an angel could help him, etc....etc.....etc..... They were very painful to listen to. That was last Thursday night. This is probably the longest I've gone, but I don't want to ever speak to him again. I sure as hell don't want the last word. Isn't it amazing that earlier in the day he was telling me how much he loved me? And that's how things are ended... I have been marking the days in my calendar with a pink highlighter. A huge pink X, and so far I have 9 of them. I really thought I'd get some kind of apology from him, but didn't.

Oh well, it doesn't matter. It's over. I am very depressed... don't want to get out of bed.... just wish it (the EMA) had never happened. I don't know if posting here will help me or not. I don't feel like I have a sword through my chest like I did last week, but that feeling will probably come again. I'm just terribly sad.

Thanks for listening,

NS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:49pm
HI Not

Good for you.

The feelings will come and go but in time they will lessen, don't let the NC be broken for any reason and in time you will exit out of the whole mess and find that the sun still knows how to shine in your life.

GOOD LUCK

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 9:13pm
Thank you, Free.... I would like to be free, but hopefully soon. I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist right now..... H is taking us on a cruise.... adjoining rooms with my children... and I love him. There is no doubt that I love him more than Xmm, but that ridiculous, magnetic pull consumes me sometimes. This is the first time that he's really respected NC himself, so I think it will work.

I was really angry this morning, laissez-faire today....... now watching the finale of Sex and the City... hoping this week will be better. Work is so hard because we have always spent so much time talking during the day......

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel,

ns

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 9:26pm
Ive been there NS, it is awful. You are going to have bad days, and you are going to have worse days...then as time goes on you do heal. I know it is hard to believe that. You keep making those pink X's. You are doing this for a reason..you are doing this for you.....It is the right thing to do.

Jazzdiva