Definition of TweenerVille
Find a Conversation
Definition of TweenerVille
| Sun, 01-16-2011 - 10:03am |
It would appear there are different definitions and views of arriving at TweenerVille. So, Iddy, please tell us exactly what the criteria are for achieving those wings and reaching

Pages
I agree with Luvin :) In the beginning it really gave me a goal to strive for. I think like everything, you have to keep it in perspective. It's about the never ending process of healing, not simply making it to a magic number. I have admitted that I had a bit of a "let down" after that first 3 month mark. It's natural to think that something should magically be different, but you wake up the next day with the same smelly morning breath and you brush your teeth and face the day.
I think it was me asked Dee if there was some title for 9 months when she made it. Heck, you get a baby after 9 months, why not a cool title like Super Duper Tweener! :)
Bodhi
Iddy and fellow EASers,
I must give my Tweener wings back. By definition and in all fairness to those who have earned their wings by maintaining complete NC, I have not achieved that landmark. It was a misunderstanding on my part as I thought because we didn't exchanged communication and I didn't get sucked back in, that I hadn't broken NC. But in thinking about it, because I texted him, I certainly did break NC. I do not want to accept something that I haven't really earned. I must admit that I now feel a
I just want to apologize if any you took my post as harsh or as just being flat out ugly.
Ahhhhh Man,
ALWAYS....you're so classy.
Personally, I'd keep them. Why put yourself in a disappointing position if you don't NEED to? By need, I mean, in the SPIRIT OF IT ALL.....You deserve WINGS. You've GOT
Lolly, my hunny bunch, you in no way offended me. I did not take your post as directed to me personally at all, so don't you fret for one more second!!!
I didn't mean to create a big debate or make anyone feel bad. I was just looking for some clarification so that I can be HONEST about what's going on. I don't want to dimish the achievement of anyone else
As someone who has had to reset her clock for stupid breakage - I understand exactly what you are saying
AT2,
Tons of props, respect and admiration for you! Your growth is phenomenal and is shining through. You are holding yourself accountable and most importantly you are gaining back your integrity. I would venture to say that is the best gift you can give to yourself and is better than anything we could offer you as a milestone here on EAS.
You just sent a huge message that will help many Newbies here on EAS. Proud to have you as an EAS sista!
Iddy, if it is not too late, I also vote for the Tweener Wings ceremonies to continue.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
First off (((HUGS))), it has been far to long for that...and a long while since we have interacted. Probably because you are active in those 3 hours that I refuse to admit exist 6am-9am and about the only time now a days that this ol' mind of mine gets any rest. Add to it that since about the Solstice I have had so very little time to actually respond to anything around here...though my brain continues to be filled with so much from everything I read here.
And so in these wee hours tonight I finally found some time...and while on a role it has lead me here...as this thread has been one of the most heavy on my mind for a while. I agree with E1 that the entire thread has turned into a wonderful conversation on accountability. Its funny because I had been thinking about starting a thread on unaccountability, and had even mentioned that to an off-board buddy. But I didn't...instead you had the courage to come here and post this and with such a grace in your words that speaks volumes about your character.
There is a Ben Haper lyric that goes "There's good deeds and there is good intentions and the are as far apart as heaven and hell". I feel that rings true for me in this situation. I was going to post....because of feelings that had building...but I didn't. No matter how good my intentions were, my actions (or inaction) spoke much louder. Instead I feel that my words to another poster may have led to this non-debate, or at least sparked a thought in your head leading you to ask these questions. I did not mean to hurt anyone with these words, and I apologize to you if they did.
That being said, my take on Twenerville is aligned with that iddy said. The way I always understood it and for me it is **ALL ABOUT NO CONTACT**
I say this from the standpoint of understanding the need to have that 1 day, that break, that moment when we can say "that is the last time I ever engaged in____fill in the blank. I liken it to a recovered alcoholic. If you ask them the first time they entered rehab, or even the when it was the last time they started a program, they probably wont have an answer. BUT, ask them the day of their last drink and they will spit a date out faster than you can finish your question. I think it is the same of us enders. There is that day when the addiction finally threw in the white towel...surrendering finally to our OWN will! For me, I know that my Affair died on July 1st. It died when I pulled away from that parking lot...rolling down the window to yell (now mind you we were LD and only got to meet in person a few times) "I will always Love you XAP" OMG. PUKE!!! Now that morning her H had found a txt, the last in long line of Ddays on her end. Her last words to me were somehwere along the lines of I will make this ok, and I will call you soon. Well, I did not hear from her...and suffered myself through 3 weeks of NC before I had even found this place and really knew what the true power of NC was. After agonizing every night for 24 nights...on July 25th she called. I ignored it once....I ignored it twice....I answered the third time only to be told that "You was always a big mistake, I meant nothing I said to you, and I never really loved you". Now, standing on this hill 6 months later I can see that every single one of those things she said was true, but back then it killed me. But that was the day that the addiction was kicked...regardless of if I saw it as that or not. It was that interaction that made me realize that I would never again be subjected to feeling that again. Two days later I came here and the rest as they say is history. Once here did I realize that I had made some great progress in that first 3 weeks that I would not have to do over after the phone call? Of course I did! But while I knew my A died on July 1st, it was easy to set July 25th as my NC start date.
I think when you think about it...that txt message is the same for you. You said that you feel contact was broken when egos are stroked. I think that you were stroking your ego by sending the txt. In that moment you were playing a power game and that power would be influenced by the response. Now, I am so happy that you quickly came to your senses and shut down and left your phone...dont get me wrong..I have much praise and love for those actions of yours. But I think if you think about it...you know.. YOU KNOW...that in your heart that is the VERY LAST TIME you will engage with that person. Because you did engage with him. It created a change in your body chemistry when you hid send. Sure it was of the panic variety, full of toxic stress filled compounds...but a change none the less. And I will also say that I really appreciated your acknowledgement of what type of damage you may have done him during one of your replies to that thread. I remember thinking that I hope somewhere along the line your XAP had gotten the great advice to block and walk so that he did not have to en dour the huge punch in the chest I am sure your txt delivered (and I do not know the content of said txt). Remember that No NC=No New Hurts has two directions in this game. I know you care for me Alwayst....you have shown me such compassion and kindness in my time here...now imagine it was me on the other end of that txt. What would you have to say to the person who sent out that type of fishing line to one of those you care so much about? Again, not trying to be mean here, just trying to change the perspective. So all that being said, I know that you are no where near the same person you were when you first arrived at EAS, or even no where near the same person you were when you finally committed to ending in October. You have worked so hard and come so far all while opening up yourself fully to all of us here. And for that I have so much respect. And so even though you have already replied with nothing other than peace and grace (of course) about resetting your wing date, I wanted to just add why I think it is important to measure our advancement from that first day full NC. To make it 90 full days resisting every possible temptation that our fragile, fog filled, little pee-on brains can try and justify as a reason to make contact and feed the horrible addiction is a HUGE accomplishment and one fully deserving of every type of praise in the book. I really am so very proud of you Alwayst...for every single thing you do around these parts. :)
And I know that you were going a little far in your argument about THINKING about our xaps....I mean if that were true we would all have to reset our counters every morning when we anxiously log onto this site. Coming here does force us to think about the A, and we did not do that alone...hence xAP plays a role somewhere in the thoughts that arise from being here.
Anyway, I have rambled on quite long enough...and Iddy if you are reading this, I for sure vote to keep these traditions alive. They really are important goals for us to achieve. I also think that I was lucky in the sense that I came on board right behind some really amazing and strong women... WCF, NCx, Bodhi. Every one of them I saw just ahead of me pushing hard to maintain NC to earn those wings. There were times when my finger hovered above the send button of a txt that I had drafted because at that point my mind was convinced it need an answer to some stupid, pointless WHY question I had poised for xAP. And many of those times, what kept my finger aloft was not wanting to give up all of those days that I had worked so hard for, but also because I did not want to let down those strong women who where just in front of me, beside me, with me. I am lucky like that. And so now to will anyone be who comes in contact with you Alwayst.
I hope you are having a great week Alwayst. Thanks again for a really great Thread. I hope this post makes even a sliver of sense.
Not only sending, but feeling those wonderful strong committed vibes from you.
Peace&light
Foggy
Can't let a little drama knock us off track.
Pages