Deleted All Emails today from MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Deleted All Emails today from MM
7
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:25pm

Hi everone. Well, I've reached a major milestone in my life, I've just deleted all emails I got from MM for the past few years.

I would keep everything he sent, and occassionally I would go back thru them and read some of them that were sweeter.

Well, now they are gone, there's no turning back, I cannot retrieve them.

Hope I did the right thing? I think so. Out of sight, out of mind like obviously that's what he's done with me. 5 weeks of NC from him. Take care everyone.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:43pm

DUSTY!!! I've been meaning to post to you but since I don't really post much any more, I've been slow to do it. I saw that you are back in NC and back on this board again. I'm back here also. I ended the A several months ago, but attempted to maintain a friendship. XMM and I still talked on a regular basis, but our conversations have been getting farther and farther apart - it has been over two weeks since I last spoke to him. A couple weeks ago I deleted all the email that I had saved from him. I've been working hard at moving on and focusing on my M. Things have been going pretty well and I'm feeling happier at home than I have in a long time. I'm very sorry that your MM has disappeared on you yet again. I know how much it hurts you. I'm proud of how strong you are being this time around - stick with it! You deserve better - make your H step up to the plate!

(((HUGS)))

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:59pm

Thanks GB2 and nice to see you again too!! And yes, MM has unofficially dumped me again. So I am trying to move on with my life. I'm not going to email him or anything. That was a HUGE thing for me today to delete all emails, because they have been what got me thru NC's in the past, I would sit here and read them and say to myself "see, there is NO WAY he would desert me forever". But this time I am not giving myself the chance to get hopeful thoughts in my head. I am trying to face the end of this R and keep it that way.

I am trying to be nicer to H at home. Even though I don't think all our problems are going to be resolved anytime soon, still I don't think of MM as much as I used to (which was 24/7). I got over being that obsessed with him quite a while ago, and as a result, even though I haven't heard from him in quite awhile, I have not shed a SINGLE tear over this.

Maybe I am moving on ookay, from the looks of it. Glad to hear you are too!! Take care,
Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 7:24pm

Dusty

How mant times has it been that he has unofficially dumped you I think I have lost count (sorry a bad joke), but hey better to laugh then to cry !!

Time for you to decide that your doing the permanent dump on him, try a dump truck full of manure the next time he crosses the boarder. (more bad humor, must be the weather).

Any how welcome back, and good luck with the hubby, is he doing any better with the drink ?

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:02pm
Wow, that was a really brave thing to do. You should be proud of yourself. I know that it would be very very hard for me to delete all of the emails I have from my xMM. You have just taken one more step on the road to letting go and finding happiness. Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 1:26am

I agree. When I read your post I thought to myself...wow. Talk about no turning back.

I have about 13 voice mail messages saved from MM that go back as far as 5 months ago. I keep torturing myself by listening to them. I was thinking today that I really need to delete them. But that is so permanent...once they're gone I won't ever get them back.

But that is the point, isn't it...it is a necessary part of really moving on, not just giving it lip service.

What you did was courageous and victorious. I hope to bring myself to do the same. Only I keep having these sick thoughts of making him sit down with me and listening to each one, one by one, before I delete them. Anyhow, that is fodder for another post, and possibly an indication that medication is called for! :-)

Anyhow, kudos to you for taking that step!
Billie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 9:21am

Hi Free and everyone else who responded. I know you are right, how stupid am I for taking him back time and again? I think I finally have the determination not to any more. The deleting of emails was huge for me, I had about 2 years worth saved on my hard drive.

As for your question about H, he still struggles with the drinking. Things have not gotten alot better in that, but I have learned to deal with him better, I have not yelled or lost my temper with him over that in quite a while now.

Sometimes I think how can I stay with H? But then I think he is basically a good man, trys hard to give me what I need and the kids too (which aren't even his).

Its just the hardest thing is living with a lack of sex life. Like last night, I think to myself why does he like the booze better than me? Its a struggle but I guess I can manage without MM, I still have those memories, guess I will keep them for when I get my toys out!! If I can't keep my sense of humour, I probably would cry. Take care,

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:33pm

Dusty

Your TOYS will never go NC on you and as long as you have a good supply of batteries they will never not be in the mood ;o}.

Your husband does not like the Booze more then you he is inslaved to it he does not love it or even like it trust me when I tell you it is a cruel master that may shorten his life.

None of us knows whats around the next sunrise, things could change suddenly or slowly for the better.

BE WELL

Free