Denial? Day 11 of NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Denial? Day 11 of NC
2
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:19pm
Hey all! I'm on Day 11 of NC with OMM. Initially, OMM was making it very difficult for me by continuing to call and send text messages. I sent him a text message on Friday afternoon explaining again that I meant it - it's over. I haven't heard from him since.

So I find myself on Day 11 of NC and feeling pretty okay. The initial feelings of guilt have subsided and I dont really even miss him. I'm finding this all difficult to believe. OMM was a huge part of my life for 2 years. We saw each other almost every day, even if just for coffee and a quick smooch. For the last few months, though, it was getting "old." Some of his character defects were starting to appear in a big way and I was noticing more and more evidence that we would probably not be able to take this relationship into the real world, which was his plan. He was in the process of divorcing his wife and looking for an apartment for us to move into together. Am I in denial about missing him or is this psychotic??????

I've also found in the last few weeks that I enjoy my H more and have greater hope that maybe we can make this marriage work. H and I were both seeing other people but I'm gathering from the amount of time he's been spending at home that he might have broken off his relationship, and I think he's figuring the same thing about me and my relationship, since I'm honestly enjoying his company again. When my cell phone rings and I see its H's number, I look forward to picking it up. And we hired an architect to rebuild our house to accomodate our handicapped son but once we started making plans, it was no longer just adding a bedroom and bathroom on the first floor for DS; it was creating a beautiful master bedroom suite and master bathroom with marble platform tub, etc. It never occurred to me as we were discussing these plans with the architect that H and I wouldn't be living there together. It wasn't until after the architect left our house that H mentioned our initial thoughts of creating something like a mother/daughter situation or even a 2 family house so we could both be there for the kids, especially DS. We both agreed/confessed that neither or us really wanted that.

So while everything seems to be falling into place, I can't help but think this is all a little psychotic. How could I have been so involved with OMM, make a decision to end the A, and suddenly remember how much love I had for my H?????? Am I crazy? Is this what's supposed to happen??? Can anyone tell me "whassssup?" Thanks for listening.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 9:21am
It doesn't sound like you are crazy to me it sounds like you are now separating the fantasy world and reality. A's are purely fantasy and when you're in one it is so hard to see that. The dreams, the plans, the what if's, all fantasy. Now that you are seeing reality for what it is, you're finding that it's not all that bad.

I now have a deeper love and appreciation for my H that I didn't have for a long time. As the saying goes, "Life is not always greener on the other side."

I have adopted this for me, I now live for the here and now and for the things that I can control.




Edited 3/12/2004 10:07 am ET ET by alifechoice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 3:17pm
Thanks so much for your kind response. It's so hard to believe when you're in the A that this is not reality and never can be. OMM and I had all kinds of plans to take our relationship to the next level, but when push came to shove, fortunately, I realized that the entire relationship never has been, and never could be, based on reality. Yes, honey, the grass always looks greener when you're on the other side of the fence. Thanks for your response!

mo 7-18-10