Desperate to contact him today.. HELP

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Desperate to contact him today.. HELP
2
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 8:08am

I dunno what happened. I was sitting there alone at work, and the phone was just staring at me. I wanted to pick it up so bad. Call him. Ask him why he did this after a year and half of planning, how could he just disappear like a coward without any explaination??

i just feel so numb.. i didn't call. was too afraid that if i did he wouldnt answer then would see my number and know it was me anyway, the desperate fool again. i feel so stupid. what a waste of it all.

maybe write him a letter??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 8:35am

Oh mikkolover,

Don't do it! I don't know your story, but if you have agreed to NC you need to keep it at all costs. We won't ever have all the answers we want from them. You will probably be kicking yourself for contacting him right afterwards. I always did. I miss my xMM, but I want to keep what shards of self-respect and dignity I managed to come away from the A with. I know you want to, but think about the hurt you'll cause yourself by contacting him again. Even if you did send a letter, he may not answer it, or contact you and then you will be hurting even more.

JMHO

Owl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 8:47am

Mik,

<

maybe write him a letter??>>>

First off, consider yourself lucky to be feeling numb, because once the numbness wears off you will feel pain, and that's worse. But it is a step in the grief process so hopefully you will move through that one quickly.

Second, I know how you feel about having a xMM who just disappears. It happened to me too, but he eventually DID get in contact with me again, and now I'm wishing he didn't. It's so hard to let go once you go back. I congratulate you on not picking up that phone. YOu're right. If he didn't answer you would wonder why, and then feel like a fool for caving in. If it makes you feel any better, I would say go ahead and write that letter. Get it all out. But don't contact him to give it to him. Either wait until he contacts you, or better yet, don't give it to him at all. I have a letter that I wrote xMM that I never gave to him. I read it to myself every single day and it reminds me of why this needs to be over. It makes me feel better to read what I have written and when I'm feeling weak it reminds me of how I feel in the whole big picture of this situation.

It will take time, probably a long time, but you can do this. I'm finally starting to believe that I can too. Remember, we're all in this together. Good luck, and I hope your day gets better.

PAL