DH really screwed up
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| Sun, 11-07-2004 - 8:16pm |
Well have to say today was a tough one but I am still surviving, so that is good, right?
This morning DH was acting weird (more than normal) started in with he was taking DD to his mom's and I said NO because I have to be sure that No One slips and says anything to her. Then I asked who called because there was a blocked call on caller ID. He actually told me no one called, I said well its showing on caller ID and then he said a friend of mine, none of your business. I was just so furious I left. I went to the neighbors to cool off and then I planned on going shopping. WELL, when I walked in she said DH told her everything, it took me a min to catch on and she went on to tell me she didn't know what to do. She did tell DH that she was going to tell me that he told her, DH had told her that I knew. Her and I talked about it and neither one of us can believe that he would go over there and actually to her face tell her he has feelings for her. She is freaked out and upset because frankly she is dealing with enough in her own life. Well I spent 2 hours talking with her and helping her with the kids. Her kids were around so we don't like to say too much in front of them even though they are little and don't understand. Her take on DH's feelings for her is that it is rebound, that there really isn't any feelings because like she said she isn't even D'd. Her and I decided that I should call the M counselor in the AM and tell her what H did so that she is preapred for his session tomorrow. Since he told me Sun night about his feelings because they were going to come out in counseling, but never told the counselor this whole situation is odd. I want the counselor to be aware of things in case he doesn't bring it up and she thinks it is important.
Anyway I had to leave to go food shopping and when I got home, DH wasn't home and DD said that he was over neighbors. I guess she called to tell him that she can't run with him anymore and how freaked out she is and he insisted to her that he go over there. She told him she isn't comfortable with things this way and that she can't talk to either one of us anymore because she feels like she is in the middle. So he comes home and startes in on me, how he told her, how now she won't talk to either one of us. I asked him if he knew what he had done, what position he put her in by telling her that stuff, that didn't he think she had enough to deal with in her own life. DH just stood there looking at me. So then he says he is going to his mom's and taking DD with him. He promised that nothing would be said about us around DD. Before he left we once again had to go thru all the R stuff, its over, his feelings will never come back, the whole nine yards. I listened, I cried and then he left.
While he was gone my neighbor and I talked, we will continue to do so and DH will just have to accept it. The two of us are each others support and right now it is important to both of us. When DH got home he said, you called her didn't you? I told him yes we had talked and her and I are ok. He yelled at me that I should not talk to her anymore. I just told him, that the two of us talk about many things and not just about our R and her R. Her H is away a lot on business so all of us in the neighborhood when we have time go over and help her (3 kids under 5).
So now DH is being quiet not saying much to me. He is going to counseling tomorrow afternoon and said he is going to talk to the counselor about joint sessions because he isn't going to continue counseling forever. Again, I am trying to keep my mouth shut and not respond.
I will update everyone tomorrow. I am really beginning to hate my life I just don't want to be in it anymore. I hate the fact that everyday it is something new that H drops on me, something I have to try and deal with when I can't even figure which way is up. I know Free you are about to hit me, PATIENCE it will be. Thanks for listening.
DAF

I was to busy laughing at you husband to hit you, boy did he step in it, he made a fool out of himself and he knows it. Naturely he has a tantrum on the one woman that has to take it in his mind.
I thinkk your friend is correct it is rebounding and maybe a bit of vengence with big chunk of needing to feel that some woman will chose him over another man, wounded ego medicating.
And Patience is right Daf he is proving to himself that anyone can screw up.
Keep the faith
Free
Daf,
I was in your neighbor's shoes several times when raising my children as a single parent. For some strange reason people were drawn to me like a magnet, always seeking advice and comfort, not ever considering how torn and confused I was. Some people just come across stronger than others. Anyway,
I believe your H has simply displaced his feelings for you onto her. Also, the fact that she is in close proximity, he could wander over there to vent as he needed. Your neighbor is a wise woman in telling you everything, and insisting that she doesn't want to be in the middle. You have a good friend here, and she could turn out to be your saving grace when and if H decides to leave.
Concentrate on yourself right now. Get all of your ducks in a row and be prepared for the winds to shift in any direction. What's most important are your kids, not whether daddy will forgive mommy and rebuild or not. He needs to heal at his own pace, and that can take months. Once he does see more clearly, yes, he may want out. In the meantime, you need to continue counseling, and truly open up your eyes to all that the counselor wants you to see. There WAS a reason you strayed.
Work on yourself. H will find his way through the dark if he chooses to do so. Finding a new and improved you at the end of his tunnel with be the greatest gift you can offer him.
~True~
I'm sorry, no offense, but I have no idea what you're talking about. I cannot tell from your post what is even going on; what your sitation is!
Silly
Free: Glad to give you a laugh, when you sit back and think about this entire situation my neighbor and I both thought of Jerry Springer! So we tried to laugh at it too. I am waiting to hear from the M counselor so that I can tell her of this new development because my gut tells me that H won't be telling her any of this. I am trying to keep the faith and use that patience I am suppose to have.
True: Right now my neighbor isn't single her and her H are just in the beginning stages of figuring out how they are going to split. She is very upset because she can't understand why my H told her he had feelings for her, didn't he understand what kinds of problems it would cause? Like she said because he told her she has lost 2 people that were good friends (H and me) that she felt she could talk to. Her and I are trying to continue talking but I feel a difference already. I know I should be doing something just in case and actually my neighbor was pushing me again yesterday to at least start a list. She doesn't want me to be blindsided if/when anything happens. Maybe one day soon I will get there.
Silly: I know it is hard to follow but this all has been going on for 9 wks and so much as happened that I can't recap everything. If you want try the archives and you will be able to see what is going on. I have read some of your other responses to people and I would be curious to see what your take on my entire situation is.
So H will go to M counseling tonight and I will just have to wait and see if he chooses to tell me anything or if I will have to wait until I go on Thursday.
DAF
Sometimes it's laugh or cry, laughing feels better.
All you can do is to let hubby prosses this at his own rate, remember that you knew about the affair 18 months before he did this is all still new and confusing to him and he is playing catch up emotionally.
Free