Did I do the right or wrong thing ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Did I do the right or wrong thing ......
2
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 7:37pm
Please be honest.............The last conversation XMM & I had was on the phone and I told him how I loved him and when I wasn't married any more I was going to come after him. Went on to say how I truly felt about him,(caring, loving, etc) and I told him also that I know that he has made it clear to me that he was where he wanted to be. He didn't respond hardly at all, just saying that maybe I should just put what we had away in my heart and move on. He also told me that he knew that my husband loved me. I also told him that I just couldn't do this affair thing anymore. Before I hung up I almost started to cry, and he heard it in my voice. He told me "bye-bye" then hung up.

My gut told me to do this, because he probably would have called me soon "just to check on me" or something and my heart would have gotten in a knot. My intention was to scare him a little to think that just maybe I would seek a divorce in the future and want a life with him. (Really - I have no intention of divorcing my husband. He knows about XMM and it's being worked out between husband and me). Xmm & I have been in this thing for 2 years or better and he has told me more times than once that he "loved me" and how "he just wouldn't walk away, etc. (You know, the usual lines). I felt better after the phone call. Felt relieved etc, and have not once called him or even tried to dial his number. Now I'm starting to feel that maybe I left a door open just a little, for him to work his way back into my heart. I feel like it was a mistake that I did this. We have not talked since that phone call, and even tho it's only been a short time. The way I know him, I feel that he did have some kind of feelings for me. Maybe not as deep as I had/have for him, but something was there. He told me alot of personal info about him, his family, etc. He trusted me. I will always have a spot in my heart for him. I can't deny that. but I CANNOT be in an affair. I am not a player or even pretend to be one. That's just not me. Sometimes I think he will try and get back into my life and that's when I will be put to the test. I know I will have to turn my back and walk away on him, or who knows, I may never, ever hear from him again.

Please tell me, if I did the right or wrong thing. Thanks!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 9:56pm

Right or wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 8:31am
Thank you so much for your response. I know in time my heart will heal. I think I am slowly starting to understand why I allowed myself to get into an affair. Never again will that happen.

Thanks again. And I'm Soooooo glad I found this board.