Did I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Did I do the right thing?
7
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:32am
First I would like to say that this message board has been a God-send. I have cried and laughed at all of the stuff. It is like you can read my mind. Well I figured you guys were the "pros" and could answer my question best.

I have know my MM for five years. We worked together off and on and were very good friends. The chemistry and attraction has been there since the beginning but we never acted on it. I am a single divorced mother of two children. I have been divorced and single ever since I met him five years ago. Well, he and his wife have horses and so do I. I had never met his wife except on rare occations until December 2003. She had an accident tring to stop a horse my daughter was on. She ended up having surgery and this is when it all started. She and I became "friends". The horses were the connection. Then it was like she always wanted me at the house. Constantly doing cookouts and riding and I would help take care of her son. This of course threw me and MM together also. That was like pouring gas on the fire we had avoided. Then it happened one night in May of this year. I was keeping her son at their house until MM got home....and it just happened...the kiss and the rest is history. She has been obsesive about having me around all the time. I know she has to since the attraction because it is very strong. Well, it was not long into the A that I knew this was crazy. She threatens to leave him about every month. And of course he says he wants to be with me but does not want to hurt her son that he as helped raise since he was five.

Well, when we are all together, it just eats my brain out to watch her with him. She has started pouring on the affection in front of me just recently. I know she suspects because of her actions. I told him Wed., July 7 that I loved him but he had to choose either me or her period. He does have a lot more that me to walk away from because I am single so I'm not giving up anything. I told him to take some time to think, but he had to choose. I left him alone, and he did call me Friday and told me he was still thinking about what to do and weighing it all out. It is about to kill me. I read the "Limbo Land" thing from be true and it was so true and helpful.

Help me....did I do the right thing by making him choose?

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 8:45am
You are a brave woman giving him an ultimatum. I hope you are just as brave when he tells you he's not leaving his wife. He will find some excuse to keep you hanging on. If I am wrong on this, I will eat the "Diosyncrity" of of my "Id" :)

Keep us posted....you may need the support and guidance that we are here to offer...

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 9:04am
Thanks for the compliment ID! That was just about one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and of course I am paying the emotional price for it. Trust me, I am already working what to say when he does tell me he is staying.... He did call me Friday to tell me he was still thinking about what to do and he wanted to make a desicion based on more than emotions. Other than that it has been NC. His wife calls me every day wanting to do something together. Cookout, go horseback riding....anything just to get me over there. It really creeps me out. I have started not returning her calls or waiting a day or two and having an excuse. When the cell phone bills come out in a week or two this whole thing may hit the fan and who knows what will happen.

Don't you think I should wean her away too? I know she suspects.

Thanks,

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 9:38am
*****Don't you think I should wean her away too? I know she suspects*****

Only IF it does not compromise your character anymore than this whole mess already has. How would you do that? (wean her?) Do you consider her a friend outside of your connection with hubby?

My suggestion would be to do something with her away from the home like shopping or lunch. NO need to do anything though if MM gives you the old "Heave-Ho" first. You sound like a very together - can get past this - gal....so I am banking on your success regardless of how it all unfolds....


Good luck,

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 12:41pm
To be honest ID...I do not concider her to be a "close" friend. Our only connection is with the horses and of course because hubby and I work on the same TV program together at their church. I have endured being with her because of the horses and it is fun being with their family even before he and I went further. The only problem is that when I am with her I have these awful thoughts about her because naturally I wish she would take a hike and get out of our way. I have developed a dislike for her...of course she has made some lame comments about me to hubby because she thinks we are both to let's see....to put it in her words.." As horney as you and Carla are, if I ever left you two would jump on each other and be married with in a year." She made this comment about me before he and I got intimate. That's not a friend. She is hard to deal with regaurdless of the A. So in other words I'm not lossing much. Hubby said he had never seen her take to any woman and spent time with them like she did me. I figure it's the Godfather line.."keep you friends close and your enemies closer." I know she is keeping an eye on me.

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 5:22pm
Kudos to the ultimatum. It will save everyone pain in the long run. Regardless of his response, I suggest you dissolve your relationship with the wife. She will use your relationship with her to heap guilt on him and you if she ever finds out. It also sounds like you might be doing a little of the "keep your enemies closer" business; it's certainly not a friendship based on honesty. NC with both of them seems like it will cause you the least pain.

Best of luck.
---Golda
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 7:53pm
This woman is baiting you! Stay away from her. She is sick! And he will not leave her. Don't waste your time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:59pm
I agree about that she is sick and especially that she is baiting me! I do have obligations where we work on a TV program that I must work with both of them. I guess I will have to be a big girl, suck it up and perform like a professional. I will let ya'll know what he does from here and of course how I am doing. Today I stayed busy with church and everything....there is always tomorrow.

Thanks for the support....again, I know the Lord sent me here for help.

Carla