Did I REALLY want it to be over?
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|Fri, 01-04-2013 - 9:47am|
Wow. There have been some great replies to posts lately regarding letting go. Rather, as usual, your reply to Kittery’s post about planning for a difficult day has me thinking.
Did I want it to be over? I am pondering this. I was tired of feeling second, I was angry that he lied to me (those lies of omission are the worst!), it wasn’t going anywhere and I was tired of feeling isolated and having to be/live a secret. I felt cheap.
These things propelled me forward, out of the A. But, I have not let go. But I’m working on it! I de-activated my FB this week in a huge effort to let go.
I don’t have any wonderful “a-ha” moment to share right now. But this all has me thinking a lot about this letting go thing. I have been “fooling” myself thinking that the NC was the end-all to be-all. As Daisy said in another reply recently, the NC is one thing, the letting go is another.
I read an article that talked about NC becoming something you want because you no longer want to be part of a crazy thing like an A. It may start as something we NEED to do in order to get clear on things and start the process of letting go, but it’s only when we really WANT it that we know we’ve let go. And that’s probably when indifference comes too.
I know I am not there yet. But I intend to continue NC (obviously) because I believe, in my soul and from what I have learned here from those that have come out on the other side, that NC has to be part of how we get there.
Maybe the other parts include digging deep into ourselves, our issues. And being grateful for what we do have. And for some, counseling is part of it too.
I long to get to the letting go part. And I appreciate all here who share their experience on their journey to getting there, and I am especially grateful for those that share who have reached that point and are truly happy…out of the A.