did it, sent him an email....

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
did it, sent him an email....
4
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:12am
just said, 'what now?' Its been only 2 1_/2 weeks,but I want to know why he wasn't there. Why after 6 months of intense talk and emails, and letters that when i ended up practically on his doorstep again, he freaked out. Chickened out whatever.

maybe i won't get my answers, maybe its all what i thought, what i heard from his W that she found out.. that what his dad said about him being a boss at work and a wimp at home was true and that he now just wants to forget all the words between us. Forget what it was like to hold me and tell me that he had dreamed of that day for 4 years.. maybe thats it, but i try so hard every damn day not to think about it.

its hell, how something so insignificant to some can feel so strong for you. thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:54am
Hi.

An email is fine but it is obvious you haven't talked about the ending or where you are both going now. You need answers I guess, or was it that you weren't listening?

I am no expert. I am MM (do you guys mind me being here?) that has just ended (mutually) a five month A with single OW. It was intense contact whilst we were apart and just as intense when we were together. We worked together overseas and have just returned to different sides of the country - thank goodness. I have said that I am not comfortable to continue to be email/text message friends at this stage and I am very comfortable with this. Although OW says she will do whatever I want to do and that NC is fine her last contact with me two weeks ago was very much aimed at keeping me "online" - ie. saying things like I am thinking of you and miss you etc. As much as it hurts I can't continue to wonder what she is up to all the time - it would drive me crazy and must get through this and over it. So I have not got a cell phone since returning home and have resisted emailing - this has been very hard. That said I did send her a Birthday Card today - very platonic - this I think is OK? - Comments? I am not a complete heartless b*****d.

Anyway not sure where we are at - NC now for two weeks - I am feeling better though with this but think of her all the time. Your MM I am sure is also thinking of you. Believe me. Going NC is not a bastard act - I do want to eventually be friends with this woman - when it all calms down and I can forget what is so recent. Just my opinion. Good Luck.

Boeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 10:19am
First, Mikkolover, maybe your MM is trying hard NOT to be a wimp, and trying to be strong and stick to NC so you can both move on? I don't know, maybe you'll get some kind of answer from him. I really hope you find some peace.

Boeing1, it is nice to have the MM perspective here! I hope you don't mind if I say this even though it is too late now, but platonic or not, you may be creating some false hope for her by sending that birthday card, honestly... On the other hand, I know from experience that just hearing from you will reassure her that you haven't forgotten her, and that can be very uplifting. After months of no contact, it helped me tremendously to hear from my XOM that he missed me & still thinks of me, but that emotionally he was not ready to be just friends with me... Helped me to realize that we are both where we need to be right now. Just be sure not to send her mixed signals is what I'm saying. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 10:42am
Thanks Katie. Yeah Baby steps I suppose. I am the one trying the NC I suppose as she says - not that I beleive it - that she is fine either way! That doesn't seem right when she says she misses me and is thinking of me in the same email . Anyway I haven't rang her since I returned back in country 2 weeks ago and I guess that is a bit of a shock to her as I said I was dying to talk to her in my last email. SO no cell and no phone calls and I must say I feel better with it. We will see though.

Boe

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:53am
he wrote... an hour later, said that he knows he should have written earlier.. ( to explain why he stood me up when i went all the way from finland to the netherlands to visit.. not him, but H's family.. ) but then he went on to say.. you have nothing with this sorry, so sorry..

i will be off to morrow and will write you. I would like to talk to you sometime.. can you tell me when i can call. till later.. '

i was surprised, but am not writing back till i do get yet another promised email. I want to protect myself so bad. I have been so crushed by his actions, and my falling for him so hard, that i don't know if i can get back on that ride. I hope its hurt him. When i waited in a busy central station, waiting for this man that i have connected with and longed for, for 6 long months, and he never showed.. it killed me. All i got 2 days later was a text message, with i am sorry, much has happened, i will explain later. sorry..

later has been 2 and 1/2 weeks of HELL for me. I felt i was already looking for replacements, which is lame.. i have gotten closer to H, which has never been the problme. H and I are strong and good together, and just last night i was telling him how strong i have been not to contact OM. He said, not strong, smart, you would be stupid to let him treat you like that.. no he doesn't approve of anything i do, but he listens.. he is a great man.. thanks for listening