Did you ever say the A word to OM / MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2004
Did you ever say the A word to OM / MM?
4
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 9:52am
Just curious if you ever outright asked OM / MM if he thought you were both in an affair, and what his reaction was...?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 10:13am

Yeah - xOM (who was/is single) and I both had used the A word. He SAID he was uncomfortable with it, but continued in it anyway. He said he felt bad for being involved in it, what it was doing to my H (even though he didn't know my H & my H didn't know about the A) but he was in love with me by that point, wanted to marry me, blah, blah, blah. But as time went on (time? It was 4 months!) he started to get more upset about it and when HE finally ended it, he said it was because he didn't want to be the reason I left my H - didn't think I would ever leave him anyway - what we were doing was wrong, etc.

I think every situation is different, but that's mine!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 12:36pm

Yes - in the first stages we would lay around and would talk about our situation with all our friends and how xMM felt guilty for betraying my H..........and I said once - well we are having an affair and its hard to feel this way - so happy about us and how we feel together.......in society's eyes we are doing a horrible thing, but if people could see how we feel about eachother - they would understand because what we have is so special...........and then he smiled so big and said "this is more than an affair - its a relationship".
Funny - he never used the A word again until the last two weeks before he could not do the A anylonger...........then he said he didn't want the A. All the while claiming that he wanted to be with me but that he cant always have what he wants....

I get mad alot when I think about that because I was the one who at times said - maybe we should slow down - we are going to get caught again and have to lie more - maybe we should see eachother a bit less - or maybe we should just be "buddies"..........OMG he hated that. He said he could not do that - that he cared about me and could not think that and that we meant more than that.

And then he stopped carring I think - well thats what I think know with 15 days NC (no phone call) I have seen him twice at my house, but all I got was that 6 second long look - he has not uttered one word to me.
Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 12:59pm

XMM and I were denial freaks. An affair? OH, NO NO NO....the word never passed our lips. Once I pulled my head out of my butt and was blinded by that reality light, I dumped my new word (affair)in XMM's lap for review and consideration. I think it is still somewhere in a pile on his desk ;)

~True~




Edited 11/30/2004 1:10 pm ET ET by b_true_2_yourself

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 6:05pm
xMM & I did not use the A word - we instead had about a million code words for it. guess that's what happens when you're playing makebelieve!