Did you remain friends with mm/mw after you ended the extra-marital relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Did you remain friends with mm/mw after you ended the extra-marital relationship?
7
Wed, 01-05-2011 - 5:40pm

again, i just saw a post which i started and based on what someone said, i decided to ask this question.

k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
K2002,

Short answer... HELL NO! The rules of the game around these parts are NO CONTACT...and that means NONE!

There is just no way to remain "just friends" after sharing such an intimate encounter with someone on that level. Many have tried...all have failed. Often the reason the answer to your previous questions was not "On the first time" was because during one of the ending attempts someone tried to remain friends with their xAP. I am fortunate, it only took once for me. But it is because I had the knowledge and support of this board to help me fight all temptations and just make a clean break. All of the hurt was done.... nothing left to do but turn and walk away from the smoldering ashes.

So I know that you are well out of your A, and looking back on possible mistakes....but I hope that you would see, and also encourage any newbie or lurker around these parts that nothing good can come from trying to remain friends with an XAP. I mean, partly because to truly heal it means to become completely honest and authentic in our lives. So, if you think of it that way and went to your spouse (or XAP went to their spouse if you are S) and was honest and said "I want to remain in contact and friends with the person who engaged with me in a lying, hurtful relationship that had the potential/or did cause huge problems within our family. Is that ok?" What do you think the response from that partner would be? A great big NO!

So thanks for asking....but the rule round here is No Contact=No new hurts. And trying to be friends is only opening up the wound for more pain.

Peace&light
foggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Amen Fogster - was going to post but really - you have said it genius-ly.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009

No. My friends are people who truly love me and care about me. He doesn't deserve my friendship.

Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005

Hey, thanks for your response.

k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005

"NC since October 18, 2010." great, keep it up.

k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005

also, persons who worked with their x-mm/x-mw/x-ap could also ask for a transfer to another department, depending on how big the organization is. some organizations are so large, that you don't even see persons in other departments and it is the same location. if it is a small or medium sized location, and the departments are close to each other, i suggest a transfer to another location. Otherwise i say, apply elsewhere

k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010

"I want to remain in contact and friends with the person who engaged with me in a lying, hurtful relationship that had the potential/or did cause huge problems within our family. Is that ok?"

Now THAT puts it in perfect perspective!