Oh Alice, I'm so sorry he lured you in with his "emergency." As far as I'm concerned, that "emergency" is his and not yours. You were trying to be nice and help him with an emergency, and this is what you get. Don't ever respond to him again. He got himself into this and he can get himself out. Discuss strategy with you??? Are you freaking kidding me???
I do not have a facebook account, nor have I ever visited facebook, so I'm not the best at giving advice about that. I would say that if your XAP's W confronts you about this, given that he has already denied it, I wouldn't even get into it with her. My honest feeling is that this is his problem. I have no experience with confrontation with XAP's W, so some of the other posters might be better able to advise you on how to prepare for a potential interaction with her.
Alice, brighter days ARE coming. You've hit a speed bump and you will recover. I imagine this must be awful for you and I hate it that your weekend had to be ruined like this. Chin up, keep posting. We'll get you through this. You're doing great!
This creep has been trying to control you for a very long time. You broke it off, you stayed NC, and he's still trying to control the situation. Is it possible that he made this stuff up as a way to get you to respond to him? You haven't spoken to his W have you?
I would advise not to respond to him in any manner whatsoever again. As far as the possibility of running into his W or xap, just ignore them. If she approaches you first, be casually polite. If she confronts you with an accusations (highly doubtful), make an incredulous face and walk away. I agree with CSN that this his HIS problem (if there really is a problem). It sounds like he's grasping at anything (the band??? Are you kidding??) to keep you connected to him somehow. He may be desperate but you are not.
As far as FB goes, just lay low for a while. I wouldn't inactivate your account, but you can certainly stay off of it for a while.
This guys ia a paranoidal maniac. I remember when according to him you were trying to get him cought by using a body lotion. He should stop cheating because on top of everything, he has no guts for it:)
I agree with others - that's his emergency, not yours, and you don't need to discuss with him any strategies. As far as FB, I wouldn't delete it, just stay off it until dust will settle.
I'll have to agree with what GBG wrote. This guy is a paranoid wimp, and laying low on FB would be a good idea for a while. Deleting it would look suspicious but you can always select certain privacy features so only friends and family can see it. You can also block certain people too.
It's too late for me to advise you on what you should have done. Had you come here first before calling him you would have received responses that said, "Don't do it." Water under the bridge.
Whatever is happening over at Xmm's house needs to be left there. Any further contact with him could very well get you busted. Whoever wrote that you should act nonchalant if you were to see his W offered good advice. Guilty is as guilty does. ;-) IF,and only if, Xmm's W were to confront you, then you have to decide if you'll come clean. I won't advise you one way or another because I have never had to deal with this, but if I ever did, I would not lie to her. She deserves to know the truth. You cannot let fear overrule compassion. We all pay a price for our insidious behavior, one way or another.
reading Iddy's response made MY stomach flip, and it's not even I who is in this situation. I wonder what I would do. D-day can happen at any moment, even out of the A, and this is scenario that could happen to any of us. I think I'd come clean. It's the honorable thing to do. My xAP would HATE me, but that doesn't matter. And my M would probably explode into bits. But I'd finally be doing the right thing - no longer lying, no longer hiding, no longer living in fear of the unknown and waiting for the other 1,000 lbs shoe to drop.
I'm not telling you what to do because I am unqualified. I haven't been through this and I can only presume what it must be like. In any event, I'm wishing you peace and strength!
I had a Dday with W. She called me. I told her I did not know about her and that I had not known she was P and that I was but I realized that just after I found out he was M. I did take responsibility for what I happened after I knew. I had no excuses. I came clean. She was rather calm and told me of others and was not at all surprised about me. It was very difficult. I told her it was over. I told her the truth. Yet, he painted me to be the bad guy. I was a crazy obsessed stalker, I was chasing him etc...he even had lied about the length of time I knew about him being M. He threw me under the bus. I realized I little I really meant to him. He was unified with her and I was this evil home wrecking whore. He made me out to be the culprit and for some reason, she ate it up. But deep down her calmness told me she knew better. Deep down she knew what he was and despite that she was not going anywhere.
Sounds like your guy will throw you under the bus too. I would just stay calm and lay low as suggested. Looking back I do not regret lying to her, I do regret talking to her...it did no good for anyone, esp me. I felt so much worse. I felt little. Used. Degraded. Like a home wreaking whore.
Not good, not good at all. What you do if the situation should arise is entirely up to you. You know what you can live with.
But I have to tell ya, I agree with another poster. He might be making this all up to get ur attention. Mine would send me his legal woes when he fished. Knows that is soft spot of mine, sounds like you ExaP was trying to hit you the same way....baiting you in with EMERGENCY. When they fish, they fish hard and will go thru desperate measures to get our attention.
If he is not lying, he is a coward, if he is not lying he is still a coward. Lay low, do not respond to anything else and think about how you might handle things if she does come asking. DO NOT obsess over it. As Iddy would say...another email from him...you push DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. It actually feels good to do....its like your removing him from your system and your inbox.
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Oh Alice,
I'm so sorry he lured you in with his "emergency." As far as I'm concerned, that "emergency" is his and not yours. You were trying to be nice and help him with an emergency, and this is what you get. Don't ever respond to him again. He got himself into this and he can get himself out. Discuss strategy with you??? Are you freaking kidding me???
I do not have a facebook account, nor have I ever visited facebook, so I'm not the best at giving advice about that. I would say that if your XAP's W confronts you about this, given that he has already denied it, I wouldn't even get into it with her. My honest feeling is that this is his problem. I have no experience with confrontation with XAP's W, so some of the other posters might be better able to advise you on how to prepare for a potential interaction with her.
Alice, brighter days ARE coming. You've hit a speed bump and you will recover. I imagine this must be awful for you and I hate it that your weekend had to be ruined like this. Chin up, keep posting. We'll get you through this. You're doing great!
Much love and ((hugs))
CSN
Alice,
This creep has been trying to control you for a very long time. You broke it off, you stayed NC, and he's still trying to control the situation. Is it possible that he made this stuff up as a way to get you to respond to him? You haven't spoken to his W have you?
I would advise not to respond to him in any manner whatsoever again. As far as the possibility of running into his W or xap, just ignore them. If she approaches you first, be casually polite. If she confronts you with an accusations (highly doubtful), make an incredulous face and walk away. I agree with CSN that this his HIS problem (if there really is a problem). It sounds like he's grasping at anything (the band??? Are you kidding??) to keep you connected to him somehow. He may be desperate but you are not.
As far as FB goes, just lay low for a while. I wouldn't inactivate your account, but you can certainly stay off of it for a while.
Good luck.
This guys ia a paranoidal maniac. I remember when according to him you were trying to get him cought by using a body lotion. He should stop cheating because on top of everything, he has no guts for it:)
I agree with others - that's his emergency, not yours, and you don't need to discuss with him any strategies. As far as FB, I wouldn't delete it, just stay off it until dust will settle.
XOXO
Gone
I'll have to agree with what GBG wrote. This guy is a paranoid wimp, and laying low on FB would be a good idea for a while. Deleting it would look suspicious but you can always select certain privacy features so only friends and family can see it. You can also block certain people too.
It's too late for me to advise you on what you should have done. Had you come here first before calling him you would have received responses that said, "Don't do it." Water under the bridge.
Whatever is happening over at Xmm's house needs to be left there. Any further contact with him could very well get you busted. Whoever wrote that you should act nonchalant if you were to see his W offered good advice. Guilty is as guilty does. ;-) IF,and only if, Xmm's W were to confront you, then you have to decide if you'll come clean. I won't advise you one way or another because I have never had to deal with this, but if I ever did, I would not lie to her. She deserves to know the truth. You cannot let fear overrule compassion. We all pay a price for our insidious behavior, one way or another.
JMHO,
~Iddy~
I
~Iddy~
reading Iddy's response made MY stomach flip, and it's not even I who is in this situation. I wonder what I would do. D-day can happen at any moment, even out of the A, and this is scenario that could happen to any of us. I think I'd come clean. It's the honorable thing to do. My xAP would HATE me, but that doesn't matter. And my M would probably explode into bits. But I'd finally be doing the right thing - no longer lying, no longer hiding, no longer living in fear of the unknown and waiting for the other 1,000 lbs shoe to drop.
I'm not telling you what to do because I am unqualified. I haven't been through this and I can only presume what it must be like. In any event, I'm wishing you peace and strength!
Best,
Dee
Alice:
Damn, they're all wimpy little bastards, aren't they?
I had a Dday with W. She called me. I told her I did not know about her and that I had not known she was P and that I was but I realized that just after I found out he was M. I did take responsibility for what I happened after I knew. I had no excuses. I came clean. She was rather calm and told me of others and was not at all surprised about me. It was very difficult. I told her it was over. I told her the truth. Yet, he painted me to be the bad guy. I was a crazy obsessed stalker, I was chasing him etc...he even had lied about the length of time I knew about him being M. He threw me under the bus. I realized I little I really meant to him. He was unified with her and I was this evil home wrecking whore. He made me out to be the culprit and for some reason, she ate it up. But deep down her calmness told me she knew better. Deep down she knew what he was and despite that she was not going anywhere.
Sounds like your guy will throw you under the bus too. I would just stay calm and lay low as suggested. Looking back I do not regret lying to her, I do regret talking to her...it did no good for anyone, esp me. I felt so much worse. I felt little. Used. Degraded. Like a home wreaking whore.
Not good, not good at all. What you do if the situation should arise is entirely up to you. You know what you can live with.
But I have to tell ya, I agree with another poster. He might be making this all up to get ur attention. Mine would send me his legal woes when he fished. Knows that is soft spot of mine, sounds like you ExaP was trying to hit you the same way....baiting you in with EMERGENCY. When they fish, they fish hard and will go thru desperate measures to get our attention.
If he is not lying, he is a coward, if he is not lying he is still a coward. Lay low, do not respond to anything else and think about how you might handle things if she does come asking. DO NOT obsess over it. As Iddy would say...another email from him...you push DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. It actually feels good to do....its like your removing him from your system and your inbox.
Try not to stress....
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Alice, it's so sad that we thought that after we've decided to end our A it is over.
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