The difference of 3 months
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|Thu, 11-21-2013 - 10:10am|
My affair began on July 23 this year. It ended Monday the 18th of Nov.
I have been married for 19 years, and have two great kids, both teens. My DH and I have had problems for years. Namely, him shutting down and me running away. In July, I began an affair with my neighbor. We had all been family friends for years. Took vacations together, spent every weekend together. Him and his live in GF of 12 years, me and my DH, all of our kids, and another couple as well.
The affair started innocently enough. Turned to each other to talk about the problems in our respective relationships. But it turned hot and heavy VERY quickly. We were into a hot and heavy affair. Catching moments every day, millions of texts and I love you's.
We managed to get away in late Septemeber and took a vacation together. We went to Alabama, we went to Panama City Beach florida and walked on the beach hand in hand. We went to Gatlinburg and got a cabin. Woke up every morning and held each other, looking out over the mountains. We went to West Virigina so I could see his hometown. I met his family, we rode quads. His family loved me. Told me they had NEVER liked his GF. She was cold, no personality.
Once I got back home, I asked my DH to move out and told him I was involved with the neighbor. Had to tell our kids that dad was leaving. It was heart-wrenching.
My AP stayed at his home with her another two weeks, and then got an apartment and moved out.
There were little things I noticed but tried to ignore. His GF took the weekend off to "help" him move. She was doing his laundry, from his apartment. He went to Walmart one evening and I was there. I had to leave bc he told me he was headed there, with her. He needed towels. What was he supposed to do...tell her she couldn't come? Things like that. You know, the inner self telling you what the heart doesn't want to see.
My DH went thru periods of severe depression. And then, he started to wake up. He went to a counselor. He got on anti-depressants. And, he became my friend. He showed me so many changes. He told me this was his wake-up call.
Things with AP and I SEEMED ok, but still, a million little things didn't add up. When we would make love, he would ask me to say over and over again how much I loved him, that I would never leave him. He asked me what I would do if he went back to her...would I wait? He would constantly say how scared he was to lose me.
We spent one whole weekend together. We were getting ready to head out and SHE calls him. The GF. He goes outside to take the call and comes in with tears in his eyes. He says to me "you are going to hate me". I asked why and he told me that the GF said she was going out that night with another man, and that it bothered him. I tried to assure him this was normal. But inside I felt sick.
He would text me and say how his world was falling apart. How everyone hated him. All of our old friends. Which wasn''t true. The funny thing is that all of our old crowd would constantly text him, telling him they were there for him. Yet, they also would bash me constantly. I was a homewrecking wh*re. He told me to ignore them all. That all of them were not true friends and they could all f- off.
The monday night after our weekend together, he was acting strange that evening. I had a vibe. He promised me nothing was wrong. He promised me he loved me and would NEVER hurt me. He told me I was his first love, the most important woman in his life. That I had showed him what true love was. I went to bed feeling uneasy, but tried to ignore it.
The next morning I get a text from him. "Hey, I hate to do this to you. I think you are still in love with your DH. I still care for my GF. Sorry to hurt you but I am done.".
He bloked me on FB. He told me he changed the lock on his apartment (which I had paid for. I gave him $2000 to be able to get out and move on). I lost my mind. I called my DH and told him what had happened. I took 12 pills. My Dh came home and found me laying in the snow, in a stupor. He stayed with me all day. He held me while I cried over another man. He never said I told you so. He was just THERE for me.
The next day AP texts me and asks if I will come see him. So I do. He cries his eyes out and tells me how sorry he is. That he was worried about his kids. He tells me SHE stayed the night with him Monday night, and that SHE had blocked me and so forth. He cries and tells me he was so scared he would never kiss me again. How very sorry he is. So me...I forgive him.
The very next day, I call him in the morning and have some questions to ask. Like WHY did SHE spend the night? He immediatly goes on the defensive and says to me "you had your DH spend the night!". I told him what kind of mental state he left me in. To no avail. AP tells me he wants some "space" from me to focus on his kids. Says he is tired of hurting and crying everyday.
So I agree to give him space. Write him a nice letter telling him to do what he needs to do, that I love him and will always be there for him. I dont hear from him for a couple days and start to lose it. So I call him. Beg, like a fool. Please, please talk to me. Tell me you love me. He calls me and says he DOES love me, he wants to spend his LIFE with me, but he just needs time. So I am placated and give him space again.
I go by his apartment that Saturday night, at 11, and HER car is there.
I text him Monday again, because obviously I cant go longer than two days. So he calls me. And says "how was your weekend"? What??? I ask him why her car was there all weekend. I KNOW she wasn't home because remember, I live NEXT DOOR. And he says to me "Well why did your DH spend the night there Saturday night?". He DIDN'T. He questions me about all sorts of things, but cannot give me a straight answer. Then he says it...I cant do this. I love you but I am done. YOU wont prove to ME that you are done with your DH.
I cry, I beg, I plead. I hang up on him and then proceed into a million texts. He texts me back..."I still love her. I have just realized. I am changing my phone number. Good bye and good luck. Take care".
That was it. He changed his number. He blocked me on FB. I dont ever see her car at home because she is over there playing make-up with him in the apartment that I paid for:(
Worst of all, I look at his FB page thru my daughter's account. He has friended EVERY SINGLE one of those "friends" that he told me just two weeks ago that he hated. The same ones who called me a wh*re. He is FRIENDS with them all.
I have since drafted a million letters to him, that thankfully, I have not sent. I cant call him bc he DID change his number.
My Dh, well, once again has been there for ME. HE has taken care of me. He has spent hours listening to me lament about AP. He is a true man, because not many husbands would have the strength to do this. I dont think I really WANT to end my 19 year marriage. But I wish so much I could feel for him what I felt with AP, even though it was only for a short 3 month period.
I hurt. I am angry. I want revenge. I want the last word. I hate where I live. I hate being stuck in this small town where everyone now supports him and I am just a homewrecking bi*ch. I go to see a counselor on Tuesday.
I tell myself that I DON'T want AP back. That if he doesn't think I am worth it then he doesn't deserve ME. But I think of ALL the things he said about his GF. Mean, sickening things about her. How she disgusted him. He hated sex with her. He was embarrased by her. How she kept him on a leash. How he could be himself with me and she never let him. How she had NO personality. And he wants her back????
I cannot fathom this:(
I know I will survive. But god I hurt.