Different Situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Different Situation?
16
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:08pm
I guess I feel like my situation is somewhat different than alot of yours. My MM told me from the get go he would not leave his wife - but I think he, like I, felt the connection between us and wanted to explore it. Well... he's always said that he loves his wife and I *do* believe they have a good marriage. I think they both are *happy* in the marriage! And yet... he DID get involved with me for a year. Now.. he's trying to do what's right and let go of me and be true to the commitment he made - so... my thing is... was I always *less* to him!? I feel like the marriage COULDN'T be "happy" if he was willing to risk it like he did (even though he was naive in thinking there was no risk!)

I don't know what I'm asking or looking for with this post - it's just boggled my mind how he had a great marriage before we got involved - he got to experience some time with me - and now... he's back to his wonderful marriage and I'm left out in the cold! It seems unfair and I'm confused - I want to think he's not COMPLETELY happy or he wouldn't have been with me - and maybe everything isn't GREAT for him! I know that is evil but - I'm hurting! :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:12am
My MM said the same thing, that he was very happy in his perfect mariage. I on the other hand knew there were problems with my M which I never told MM about. However whatever it was MM decided he wanted to explore the connection 4 months after he got married (yes we knew each other before he was M). For the next 2 years we explored this connection and although we never had IC we did have a physical relationship and an intense attachment. neither of us ever declared love for each other or said we would leave our M's. In the end (well last week) MM decided that he wasn't comfortable with the physical relationship and he ended it. I am happy to say that over ther last year my M has improved so in the long run I guess I can say it was best for us to end things. Although I miss him and still want him in my life.

I know MM will never admit to anything in words but I know he cared and it was this emotional attachment that was the real problem. But in the end it doen't matter. If your MM had no intentions on leaving his W you have to believe that and live your life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:03am
Idesma,

Your situation is almost exactly like mine. Oh, except mine has the new baby as well. Sigh. They are seen as the golden couple, they have everything that everyone else wants in a relationship - he even told me that she is wonderful. Your post hit head on with my situation. Even lasted a year as well. I share the hurt that you feel.

Please indulge me for a minute here. I have to get it out!!

When he calls, I hear all about what she's doing at work (highly placed executive), what they are planning to do for the weekend, blah blah blah. Yet, he still comes over (when it suits him), and makes plans with me - oh, btw these plans NEVER come into being. (Let's go away for the weekend, I'll help you with your tree, wait and I'll get you a good deal for the stereo... etc.) He not only missed even calling for my son's birthday (son knows him as a friend and likes him a lot), but mine as well. For someone who should be treated with the best of care, he treats me like the least of his friends.

I am an idiot.

What could have brought him to me? Excitement maybe. I read a post here once about a "Cakeman". I read it, laughed, and realized it is so true. Does anyone have the link to the cakeman site again? It may be helpful for some others.

Sorry, I've managed to ramble again. Bad day I suppose.

Idesma, best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:45pm
HI Love

I hope you do not mind me asking, but sense your at an ending board what is going on with the relationship, were do things stand now and how did they get that way??

And your welcome.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:54pm
Thank you ALL for your replies and AMAZINGLY kind thoughts! I still don't know what I'm doing... I think I'm afraid to admit it's over... but I know it is!

My A was NEVER gonna go anywhere I knew that from the get go - I guess I was just naive thinking once he spent time with me and we really connected which I *thought* we had... he'd WANT to be with me! Well... now he's back with his wife who he says he loves and WANTS to be with and it's better this way for both of us and it "has" to be this way! But... I'm not doing good at all! I mean I haven't seen him for 4 months - things have been over for about 5 and yet I STILL miss him daily - and I KEEP waiting for it to get easier and for the day where he DOESN'T cross my mind! Today I made the mistake I've made about 3 times since he made his "decision" I contacted him - UGH that sets me back like a good month each time I do that! If I could LEARN to leave well enough alone maybe I'd be further along!? Who knows... all I know is I KEEP wanting him and I don't want to! :(

I'm SO afraid of feeling this for the REST OF MY LIFE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:06pm
Idesma

If you do not want to feel like this for the rest of your life or at least for the next few years your going to have to stop breaking NO CONTACT, it only puts you back to square one each time.

Be strong and do what you need to get on with having a real life, you will be glad you did.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:29am

"what is going on with the relationship, were do things stand now and how did they get that way??"


- I don't mind you asking Free.

Love

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