Different stages

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Different stages
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 4:07pm
Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I saw XAP today. I am no longer going to be going into the office where he works. I cleaned out my desk. (I am a consultant)I decided that I don't need the extra income. We would meet there frequently and I don't think I can go back to that place. He told me how beautiful I was and talked about wanting to kiss me. I gave him an ultimatum. When I did this he bailed. He wants to be able to tell me what he thinks and then walk away. It's very cruel. I cried for a bit but then realized how selfish it was. I got angry. Is it good to get angry or is that only a mask?
Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
In reply to:
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 4:55pm
I'm sorry you are hurting, but am super happy and super proud you took the right decisions for you and your healing.

It's ok that you cried.

It's ok to be angry, as long as you don't let the anger overwhelm you and as long as you don't hold on to the anger in a grudge-like way. Some anger is good at giving us distance in the beginning of our ending.

Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
In reply to:
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 4:51pm
Hi, C.

As Happyasme said, it's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. Both of these emotional states, plus a million more I'm sure, are just part of endings.

I found anger particularly useful when I ended. I used it to run, figuratively speaking, as far and as fast away from my xap as I could. I cried and I ran. I raged and I ran. And by the time the anger subsided and I realized I had to be as upset with myself as I was with him, I was far, far away from where I had started.

So feel what you're feeling and run yourself to a safer place. 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
In reply to:
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:53am

Worthmore said it beautifully.  That is exactly how I have felt.  My anger helped to propel me right out of the A.  It motivated me to run, to disappear, to end it.

I am 41 days NC today.  And, I saw XAP this weekend and it set me back (No, I did not break NC and do not intend to) in my healing and in my walking away.  So, actually, recalling some anger moments is not a bad thing for me this morning.