To Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
To Diva
7
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 11:37pm

Hi there,
I just read the reply you posted to Capnit, and I've been following your story. I was just wondering, you said that after 4 months he ended things with you, and that you really wanted him to change his mind. Do you think, if he would've came back to you and your affair lasted longer, that you would have eventually left your H to be with him?

I only ask because so many times, I have wondered if xMM and I just had a little more time together, for him to feel secure with my feelings for him, if it would've made it easier for him to leave, and if we eventually would've ended up together. I know that was a big problem for xMM. Thinking that I would leave him eventually after he left his W and then he would have noone. (I know, a coward's way of thinking, but none-the-less, I still wonder!) Thanks Diva

Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 11:01am

Pal -

Thanks for posting to me.

<<>>

I've often wondered about this, myself. I even went to a pychic who told me xOM would come back to me (in February) and I would eventually leave H and move in w/xOM. But honestly, what do I think? Unfortunatley, I'm not sure. xOM had some VERY valid points when it came to me leaving H. H is very well-liked by my friends and family. He is the ONLY person I have ever been with who my family liked. He is like the son my parents never had. I was engaged previously to a guy who my parents hated. So I know what it's like to be on both sides of the fence.

Also, my H is 'finacially stable' - xOM wasn't. He was afraid that I couldn't handle the change in lifestyle if I was to leave H. He was afraid I would eventually get sick of it and run back to H.

xOM told me that if I were to leave H, it would have to be for me, not for him. I think if I stayed w/xOM and DID leave H - it would have been for xOM and NOT for me.

I'm not sure what the answers are, but I know you can't dwell on it. It will just make you sick and crazy ;-) Feel free to post or email me anytime!!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 4:24pm

Diva

What VALID reason(s) would you have to desert your husband , I don't mean emotional HIGHS because they NEVER LAST, all relationships settle down in time then your left to deal with the PERSON your with for who he/she is and once the HIGH is gone whats left may be less then you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 4:39pm

Free,

You are totally right. There were no valid reason for me to leave H. I wasn't unhappy, he wasn't abusive. xOM was a high for me. He was like a drug...and when I think about it like that, spending the rest of my life as a drug addict would be a very bad thing :-) (especially when I know I would eventually come down off the high). For all his immaturity, I think xOM knew that and wanted to get out before HE got hurt. Can't blame him for making the right decision!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 5:00pm

Diva

I was reading your posts with Kat, I don't really expect you to do what I am going to suggest BUT NONE THE LESS, Get rid of all e-mails and VM IM that you have save from the affair, they are a form of CONTACT and they are in my OPINION makeing this harder for you.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 5:48pm

Free,

Big Hugs!! I know you are 100% right. I should get rid of them. I have deleted all the VM's, and MOST of the emails, but there are still a few I have not been ready to part with yet. Before today, I can't remember the last time I read them. I must admit, rereading that one today was painful. It brought up alot of old emotions.

I still have some books of his too - they are in a box in my garage. He asked me not to get rid of them, that he would like them back (this was when we ended things in Aug.) but he hasn't made the effort to get them back and I haven't contacted him to give them back. Not sure what I will do with them. As with the emails, they are not something I feel the need to look at, but not something I feel ready to shred yet either. I know that sounds bad and sounds like I am hanging on. Looks like I found my topic for T next week!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 6:02pm

Diva

Hey at least your going to get your moneys worth from the T.

All things in there time.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: pal1214
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 11:52pm

LOL FREE LOL!!!

DIVA