Do any of you have a silver lining beyon
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Do any of you have a silver lining beyon
| Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:51am |
d the pain of your affair? I have learned so much over the last year and 1/2 about me and who I am and what I need and want. This situation has led me to lifelong friends who have shared this experience themselves. In some crazy way I, while I still regret having had my affair, I am better for it in some ways. Just wondered if any of you felt the same way.
Karry

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Not sure you remember me - but I am a woman who had a 2 year on/off affair with a single OM . He left me and got engaged one month later. Then I mourned that loss and tried everything to get my marriage back and my STBXH left me and immediatly moved in with his OW!! IT was a shock because I was completly unaware HE was having an affair and it was horrible for awhile. NOW however I am with my twin boys and thier dad has them every other weekend. At first this was tough but we have adjusted somewhat. I am feeling no stress and living my life face forward and have learned sooooo much. I know that I will never ever chose to betray someone I care about- its unfair any way around it and is never justified. Karma definitly bit me in my arse but I am ok!!
I lost BOTH of them and feel a hell of alot better than I thought I would! WOW.
So my silver lining
I have a new life. I HAVE met a guy and have been dating him for about 4 months and ladies the guy is sooooo wonderful to me and I have been HONEST from get go!! He accepts me and treats me and my boys with such love and tenderness.
As for the XOM - well he will be married next May on my birthday I learned he was a horrible HORRIBLE person and at this point- I feel sorry for his fiance so I am THANKFUL he ended our affair!!
another silver lining - the fact I am a stronger wiser woman !!
Love to all you ladies - you were lifesavers to me!!
RAcychk30 (aka mbfun too)
Silver lining? Absolutely. Like so many others have said, I've learned so many incredible lessons about myself and this new person that I've become because of the affair and the aftermath. My A lasted 5 months and he is a wonderful man. We haven't spoken since the end of April and I thought that I'd always feel this horrible pain; that I'd never feel happiness or joy again. It takes time and one thing I've learned is you can't speed it up or control the process. The affair caused me to really look at my life and make some decisions and one of the most important decision I made was not to continue the same marriage that I had before the affair. So I haven't...I still have my H but the changes we have both made to improve our lives and our marriage have been incredible. We're both more aware of one another; our communication has improved; we've made time for one another; we laugh and have fun again. And it's wonderful. For all of you that think it'll never happen to you because you'll never be able to feel better, please know that you can!! I felt that way for so many months. But the changes happen daily but they are so small you don't realize that you're making progress until the changes all add up one day and you realize you've passed a milestone -- like not crying for a few hours or not thinking of him for a few hours.
When my A ended, I felt like my heart was this HUGE, gapping hole with just a small amount of muscle around the hole. The hole does get smaller and smaller and you'll feel it. He's still in my heart and I love him and probably will the rest of my life, but it's not a painful, unbearable love.
Like Mel -- HUGS MEL, so great to hear you're doing well -- I realize that I am happy!! Yes, truly happy for the first time in so many years. I actually truly realized it at Christmas when I thought about where I was last year at the same time -- living on the sidelines of my life. I wasn't fully engaged in my life at home because I missed him so badly and I wasn't engaged in his life because I could only hear about it. But today, I watch my children play street hockey in this ridiculous padding that they wear and I have stopped, watched them and realized how blessed I am in this life of mine.
I can think about xMM and smile at the wonderful memories of my time with him. And I can think about the person I've become and realize that I know the A was wrong, but it's my past, won't happen again and I was fortunate to have shared some of my life with someone that I loved and respected and that felt the same way about me. I'll work hard to continue the lessons I've learned and make sure that my marriage never gets to the point it was 18 months ago (and even longer) and that my H and I continue to build wonderful memories and make sure our children are safe, secure and happy -- or do the best we can.
I'm actually grateful that my xMM stuck with it when we decided to end it because I was never as strong as he was in the no contact department. Because he had that strength and did what was RIGHT, I've been able to move on with my life. Staying in the A, knowing that it has to end and just trying to delay the inevitable, is really just misery for everyone.
Silver lining -- yes. But I wouldn't recommend that anyone take the same path. It was incredibly painful and difficult. I look at 2003 and my first thought is pain and sadness - though there were some good times during that time too but it was a hard year. But I also don't know if I'd learned the same lessons any other way....Catch 22.
Take care,
B
It was so great hearing from you!! You sound terrific and I am so happy for you. You deserve it!! What a difference a year or so makes, and you are proof that you can come out of this for the better!! Take good care of yourself and enjoy your newly improved relaitonship with you husband!! Keep us posted!!!
Hugs to you girl,
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
It was so great to hear from you!! It sounds as if you are really doing terrific!! I do remember you well because I remember some of your posts to me when I was shamelessly fence sitting. And your words had a great impact on waking me up to reality!! I am so glad you are finding happiness. I think reading posts like yours and Glinda's is so inspiring to people who are going through these tough situations!! I hope things to get better and better for you!! Post an update once in awhile. I am a major lurker now, unless I have something positive to say. That is a good thing about healing, you can start concentrating on the positives!! Take good care of yourself!!!
Hugs,
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
It was so good to hear from you, Glinda, Racy and Mel!! I am so glad that you are doing so well. You sound absolutely terrific and I hope many of the people who are in the middle of their struggles will read your post and realize that you can make it out of this okay, that things can get better. It is truly inspiring to read your post and know that you have come so far!!! Thank you for posting and keep in touch once in awhile okay?
Hugs,
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
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