Do I belong here? Not sure
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Do I belong here? Not sure
| Thu, 08-05-2004 - 11:00pm |
Hello,
I have never posted here before. I was dating someone for the last year who was (and still is) separated. I was separated myself but I am not divorced. However, I told my friends and family about him and he had been to my apt. I had never been to where he lives becasue he lives very close to his parents and chidren. Noone knows of my existence. He has been been promising to get a divorce for the last 9 months but he always has to just "get his stuff together". What does that mean? Now he is waiting for his W to get a job for the whole summer. I see him after work nearly every day but the weekends mostly alone. I spent holidays alone (without him really - I don't mean actually alone). So basically, he may as well be married. Hey, he is married! So tonight I told him I don't want to see or hear from him until he files for divorce. Then I went home and chenged my phone number. See, I have tried this many times but he wears me down and makes me feel bad about not sticking things thru with him and how much he needs me to get thru this. He actually is telling the truth but I cannot wait indefinitley for some other woman to basically control my life thru him. So he showed up at my door so upset about me changing my phone number. Here I am the one who is being wronged here but somehow, I am the bad guy. So its not really an affair but its not really a boyfriend. Its going to be hard to not see him. He is very persuasive and says a lot of things about the great future we will have - and that I am throwing away. I get confused if I am wrong to not stick by him. So I thought maybe someone is in a similar situation.
I have never posted here before. I was dating someone for the last year who was (and still is) separated. I was separated myself but I am not divorced. However, I told my friends and family about him and he had been to my apt. I had never been to where he lives becasue he lives very close to his parents and chidren. Noone knows of my existence. He has been been promising to get a divorce for the last 9 months but he always has to just "get his stuff together". What does that mean? Now he is waiting for his W to get a job for the whole summer. I see him after work nearly every day but the weekends mostly alone. I spent holidays alone (without him really - I don't mean actually alone). So basically, he may as well be married. Hey, he is married! So tonight I told him I don't want to see or hear from him until he files for divorce. Then I went home and chenged my phone number. See, I have tried this many times but he wears me down and makes me feel bad about not sticking things thru with him and how much he needs me to get thru this. He actually is telling the truth but I cannot wait indefinitley for some other woman to basically control my life thru him. So he showed up at my door so upset about me changing my phone number. Here I am the one who is being wronged here but somehow, I am the bad guy. So its not really an affair but its not really a boyfriend. Its going to be hard to not see him. He is very persuasive and says a lot of things about the great future we will have - and that I am throwing away. I get confused if I am wrong to not stick by him. So I thought maybe someone is in a similar situation.
Thanks,
Ivy

Ivy, I remember reading this post last year and I thought I had responded to it.
yes, you belong here.
As does anyone seeking a full-time life with a partner 100% available to them rather than a part-time life with someone who needs to lie in order to be in the relationship.
Separated people, I believe, would be best served to remain on their own without any further romantic entanglements and resolve the issues of the relationship that they are separating themselves from.
And I believe it is not a good idea to become romantically entangled with a separated person because the possibility is there to be left behind or lied to and used for a momentary crutch through a hard time.
Your DM is remaining on his fence.
you don't need to choose to stay there with him.
You have the right to a full life with a fully involved partner.
You may have to set the boundary and move on.
Pain is part of that process.
So is personal fulfillment.
Your choice.
cl-nre
Holy Cow. Where did you did that post up from?? That post is from over a year ago. OMG, I have not moved on at all! Its like a slap in the face (not from you cl). He may be divorced now but I am in exactly the same situation. Back out there, trying to date new people while he keeps saying in emails and texts to me that he is getting himself together and it will work out. That post was a big eyeopener.
Ivy
Answering your question,
when you mentioned in another post that I "selectively choose" to reply to posts, I did an advanced search of the archives to find out when "ivy_midnight" began posting and whether or not I had replied to her.
So I replied to your first post because I missed doing so in 2004........
I disagree, you're not in the same place as then. You've learned a lot, shared a lot and moved forward.....
cl-nre