Do I have to OFFICIALLY end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Do I have to OFFICIALLY end it?
6
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 2:56pm
I have had NC with OM for almost 2 months. I just have basically played the avoidance game. I guess I am too weak to just end things. I don't really know what exactly to say or do. I am still so hurt from the fact that he told his friends about us, and his friend told everyone at our old workplace. I just don't know what to say to him to end it , and i've basically just thought it would go away. Anyways, i have stayed off-line as a kind of avoidance technique and i just logged in a few minutes ago and saw that he left me an off-line message last Wednsday. My heart just dropped to the floor. It was just "hello" (which is actually nicer than what he usually leaves-mainly just sexually oriented banter)
I want so bad to be over him. All he has brought me is heartache, pain and the loss of myself as a person. So why i am sitting here shaking and pondering on this one little "hello"?
I really have been strong on the fact that i want and need to move on with my life. I do NOT want to talk to him or be with him ever again. But i'm torn, do I send him an email saying it's over?Do I need to officially end it. I don't know if I am strong enough to really handle what he might say or do in response. It has taken me since September to finally pick myself up from my "outing" on my job. I was really in a bad place from that and I finally am getting my life back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 3:34pm

IMO if you maintain NC he'll eventually understand that it's over. It's been two months already he should understand soon enough. I don't think you have to officially end it - if you send him an e-mail you could get one in return that will leave you shaken up like that small 'hello' he sent you last week. You really don't need to have your feelings toyed with like that. Also, I don't believe men need closure as much as women do, and your ex OM doesn't deserve it anyways since he brought you so much grief by telling his friend who told everybody at your old workplace about the A.

Keep up the NC and good work on getting your life back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 4:15pm

Nuttmeg,

Just let it go like you never saw it. Can you block him from doing this in the future?
This man has played you, hurt you, and embarrassed you..."Adios Amigo!"

Id

**Id**

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:06pm
boredkath75,
Thanks for your response. I guess I keep holding onto that same idea, that it will go away in time. I agree with what you said about women needing closure more so than men. I also feel like I know he will never say what I want to hear anyways. So I would just keep feeling bad about the whole situation. It is hard because I really have felt so great lately and I thought that I was really moving past the whole thing, but it was just a facade b/cause of the NC. I think I really need some therapy.
Thanks again for the response.
~Nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:10pm
id,
I'n trying my hardest to just forget that basta*d for good. I don't think I can block him after I removed him from my buddy list. He is the reason I don't actually go on yahoo messenger anymore at all. But it is a worthwhile sacrifice to make. I probably should just set up a new account altogether. Thanks again for the support it really has helped me tremendously.
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:29pm
You can block someone not on your buddy list - in fact, it's the opposite I think - you CAN'T block someone on your friends list, have to remove them first and then block them. Good luck

MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:45pm

Nutmeg

Just delete the greeting and don't responed, really way would you all things considered he's lucky you did not shoot him.

Free