Do I say goodbye?
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Do I say goodbye?
| Sun, 04-18-2004 - 1:27am |
I have decided to end a 2 year affair. I am very much in love with this man (we've known each other for 13 years and share a child who is being raised as my husband's son. Long story there, but if you need clarification to answer my question, please ask.), but I realize that a real relationship is not possible. I love my husband and kids, this is where I need to be. But I am confused as to whether or not I should say goodbye. I haven't talked to him since I made this decision. And it is so hard everyday, not to call and tell him I love him, miss him, or want to see him. So, should I just let things rest now? Or do I tell him what I've decided and why? If you chose not to say goodbye, why? If you chose to say goodbye, why? I need some advice, but would also like some examples by way of experience. You don't need to be too personal. I'm just so confused.

How long has it been sense you talked to him?
Does he know that the child is his?
What would you say, could you really walk away if you saw him again?
What do you think you would accomplish by saying goodbye, would it be an oportunity for one last bump and grind?
F
From your post it seems that xOM has acceded to you raising his son as your husband's child. i sure hope they have the same blood type....
If OM has already grown comfortable with the mutual decision to raise your son with your husband instead of him, I'd say a good-bye letter is in order. Or at the very least a letter that clearly states the physical aspect of your relationship with him is over.
You don't mention if OM and husband know each other. If so, OM will continue to wander in and out of your life. And if that's the case, bringing finality to the physical relationship will surely help keep the boundaries in place going forward.
You've decided to remain in your marriage. Your choice. Choices have consequences. i hope OM is able to respect this decision and move on, knowing his son is in good hands.
I vote for a closure letter and then move on.
cl-nre