Do they come back?
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Do they come back?
| Fri, 03-26-2004 - 8:16am |
Question for y'all... Do these men come back?
My A ended because he said he chose his fiance because they are getting married in May, and he didn't want to start over. They don't have a good relationship where he could even tell her he wasn't happy. I want to move on, but have a HUGE fear of moving on and him coming back when I am with someone else. Do they usually come back? I did think for awhile that he would leave, becuase there was times where he didn't care if she caught him with me. Heck, she did catch me with him, and still stays. What is y'all's experience with these men coming back?

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Then last fall, went thru 8 week NC period. He started it, did not say anything to indicate that it was going to happen. Last time we talked, was to talk about getting together the next week.
Well, that NC lasted 8 weeks, then out of the blue one day, I hear from him again. And we get back together.
Fast forward to today. I haven't talked to him since last Tuesday. At that time he said we should get together this week. Well, I haven't even heard from him all week long!!
But my gut feeling is that he will be back. I think they sometimes feel guilty about W or whatever, but that fact is, things don't change that dramatically. But I think that once in a while, they feel that they have to give it a try anyways at home.
And when they realize that its not going to change at home, they come back to you.
That's why I'm not really too worried right now, although I will admit I am a little pissed at him. But I KNOW his W is not all of sudden going to turn into a sex goddess (which is what he called me).
So I'll just bide my time, and hopefully hear from him soon.
Dusty
I've been reading "Loving Him without Losing You." In some ways the book describes my affair to a "T"...there were time when we were fighting that I honestly thought that I couldn't live without him...and didn't want to. I just felt I had no internal resources to pull on to get through the ending of the affair. Things are better now...but some days are still a struggle.
If you stick around the house waiting for his phone call, you are wasting precious time you could be enjoying doing something you like. The OW can literally deprive herself of other pleasures just to wait for her lover to call. Now how smart is that? He is probably out having a ball while you are in agony waiting for him.
Virgogirl
The reason I ask is if I say "yes" they do come back and you do not have a solid, fulfilled life on your own I do not want you to wait for a MM who has a lot on his plate.
No MM is the same. They share lots of similar traits but what makes one MM leave home is what makes another MM stay with his W.
My MM is TERRIFIED to be poor. They have a fabulous house in a pricy neighborhood. A healthy balances in their retirement accounts and he cannot bring himself to leave even though he lives in a state where there is an equal property division. (Almost 20 years of marriage) Ironically the longer they are together the equity continues to grow. He even found out that she had a secret money market account without his name on it and he didnt leave.
He is miserable so he works more. That is his way of coping. My way of coping with him is to be supportive (the sexual part of our relationship ended a long time ago) but I had to move on with my life. Dont get me wrong, I still believe that he is/was "it", but I have too much respect for myself to sit around and wait for him.
In the time since our "thing" ended I have learned that I want a man in my life that knows, says and most importantly DOES what he wants in a timely manner.
I think you might find writing in a journal helpful. Put every thought you have on paper for 2 weeks. (It is easier that a diet!) After the 2 weeks, sit down and re-read what you've read. Writing in a journal is like free therapy because you get the thought out of your head for a bit.
Life is too short to put 1 minute of it on hold.
JMHO
aquagirl
My ex-MM came back to me about three months after I left him, but nothing had changed! He was even going to leave his wife, a second time, but nothing had changed. He was still as undecided as ever and wouldn't really tell me what was going on between them.
So yes, they do come back, but it's usually just to have the same old cake-eating relationship. You deserve better.
I don't want this man in my life. I don't feel as though I "lost" because I learned valuable lessons about myself, other people, and life in general. I cannot live a lie. I cannot go around with secrets. It brings me down to a place I don't want to be. And for me, I am just too strong and have been throught too much to allow him to get to me. I just don't want to have to deal with him in the future. I am moving on. All the best to him... cause he's going to need it!!!
But my advice, for anyone single and in love with a married man, you've got to let go if you think there is any chance for a long term relationship. He needs to experience life without you and find out if he can be happy with just his wife. He'll never make a decision if you are around - he's got it all - at least as good as it gets in that situation. If he doesn't leave, well then he didn't love you enough or either he really did love his wife - at least enough to stick it out for the kids or finances or whatever his reasons have been for not leaving. Just my opinion (and experience).
He has actually told me that the minute he realized that he had lost me emotionally he was devastated and wanted me back. Still to this day he tries (or at least to try to get me in the sack! lol) Doesn't work....when it is gone, it's gone. It all goes back to the theory that people are more intrigued with what they can't have. And you are right....you can't play it as a game. Somehow, they know better.
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