Do we appear to be idiots to the OP???
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Do we appear to be idiots to the OP???
| Wed, 01-12-2005 - 1:56pm |
OK - I just had a thought.
If, you are the one left behind and did not end the A, and whenever NC is broken by either party or just because you are in the same group of friends.....and you try to act normal....but they know really just how you feel about them.......
And they know that they are not ready to or not going to leave their spouse........and maybe never were -
Do we appear stupid? Do they think that we "bought" all the lies....and are weak?
I remember a post from a few months ago....someone asked if we had made "smucks" out of our spouses.
I guess I am asking if "we" appear to be smucks to our xOP's??? Just because they had the upper hand in the decision of ending the A....
ANd even if they may still care?

No I believe its the total opposite, We got smarter. At least in my case, after 4 years I knew I got smarter to his ways of thinking, body language and I knew when he wasnt telling me the truth and I would call him on it. Thats where it started to fall apart because I got wiser and he couldnt pull the "Give me 6 more months to leave her" bull&**&.
But I do get down on myself for being stupid enough to let him controll me in the beginning, as I call it my "To dumb to know better, but too stupid to care" period.
Onthegochick
Hey Anna -
I think I may have been the one to use the "shmuck" terminology :-)
I have often wondered if my xOM thinks of me as a fool. My situation is a bit different then yours. I am married and xOM is (was) single. He broke things off. Even afterwards, I was the one calling and emailing him and trying to still be 'friends'. He knew I didn't want the A to be over. Then he decided we could still 'sleep together', but not really be in a relationship. I allowed him to call me at 2am (booty calls) and treat me like a piece of meat. I'm sure he has to realize that I allowed it because I wanted more.
Does xOM care that I think he was an a$$hole after he broke things off w/me - no. Does he probably think I am a needy, pyscho little girl? - maybe. But what I'm learning is important is the fact that, I know the real me. I know that self-destructive person I turned into was NOT the real me. H knows the real me - and he loves the real me.
Diva
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DITTO! My OM does NOT know the real me so i shouldn't care, but I DO! One day soon, i hope i won't.
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No offense to you Diva, but I am so glad I didn't do those things. I know I haven't appeared needy or desperate for him, as I've NEVER contacted him after either of us have ever broken up with eachother. But I'm sure he still probably thinks I'm a fool cuz he knows I'll cave when he finally contacts ME!! I'm trying to break that cycle. I will succeed eventually!!
Bbarj -
It's hard NOT to wonder what they are thinking about us! I know xOM knew all he had to do was snap his fingers and I would run to him (after the A ended). That's SO not me, and I hate that I acted that way. I guess now, I'm more irritated at myself then worried about what he thinks! Not sure which is worse!!
Diva
Pal -
That has been one of the harder things to deal with. I let xOM see this clingy, desperate fool that I had become. I hated it! That's not me at all!!
I remember about a month after we broke up, we met for coffee to discuss 'being friends' (whatever! xOM didn't think I could do it because my FEELINGS would get in the way - JERK). So I was determind to be the 'bigger person'. He knew I was going out of town that weekend. Anyway, I made sure NOT to email him when I got back. He let a few days go by and then I got the email... "Hope you had a good time in Vegas. I have a job interview tomorrow. Hope all is well." He couldn't stand that I had finally stopped the contact. I wish I had stuck to my guns back then ;-)
Diva