Do We Deserve an Explanation??
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| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 4:24pm |
Eventhough I seen them together that Saturday night, he still tried to deny to me that anything was going on. That's when I told him I couldn't trust him and that I was working on my marriage and goodluck with his XW.
But this past weekend I was in a situation were I witnessed them together again. Of course my stomach gets in knots and I am so confused, because according to things he has told me, he can't stand her, but whatever. So today I see him again, only talked about what had to be talked about and he left. Back to my question, doesn't he owe me an explanation? Should I ask him for one, or should I just continue NC and get on with life. To me it seems like he got the easy way out. Please help on this one because I am afraid I am going to get weak and mention it to him and I don't know if that is a good idea. I don't want to lose any ground I have gained by NC. Thanks, GL

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Yes, I too feel this keenly--it's my husband I trust completely. My xMM always said being with me "helped" his marriage--not mine--it had an adverse affect on mine. After we were together he would go "home" a happy man--content--he would say, and for me the guilt and shame would slowly creep into my world--spreading toxic fumes everywhere. I couldn't breath anymore--I was suffocating, and parts of me were dying. It was not fair to my husband, the innocent one in all of this, and was not fair to me. I was a lively, jovial person before all of this, and my hope is that one day soon I can feel joy in my heart. ~ifm
Bingo. This guilt and shame began to show it's ugly face to me last year, but I would always sweep it under the rug until the next time. I finally started to notice that the "Bandaid" I'd put on to stop the bleeding (each time he left after intimacy), was NO longer doing it's job. The wound was growing larger and larger.....
I do not have a husband that I betrayed. I can only imagine that the guilt must at times have been suffocating. For me, and I hate the fact that this took so long, I started feeling sick inside over the possibility that I could tear apart his marraige if we were ever discovered. He didn't seem to give a hoot, or was VERY good at compartmentalizing his betrayal but at the same time would ALWAYS reinforce how IMPORTANT his kids and grandchild was to him. I started thinking, "Oh really????" Then how the HELL can you keep cheating on them? BECAUSE that is exactly what he was doing everytime he made love to me. Suddenly, my respect for him began to dwindle, and I am not even going to mention the "self-hate" I started experiencing toward myself. Why did this take so long? Because I didn't see myself as the "OTHER" woman. I only saw him as the MM that made me feel special once in a while.
Once we can see that being the "OTHER" woman is dangerous, deceitful, minimizing, selfish, and yes...STUPID, then are we able to see the whole picture. It all starts coming together when WE can step outside of our behavior and actually see the woman we we are hurting the most, OURSELF!
True
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