Do you ever think about his W or SO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Do you ever think about his W or SO?
4
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 11:08am

I"m not on the verge of breaking but I read a post suggesting that in moments of weakness we hop over to the betrayed spouses board and remind ourselves of the havoc we caused.


I'm kinda wondering if what I am going through is normal.

I deserve my Dignity.
NC since 2/4/2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 1:26pm

Yes, I do think about my XAP's W sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 7:34pm

dig,
funny you should bring this up--i have been thinking about this alot yesterday and today. until i ended my A, i had a very limited (xap-sided) view of his marriage and his wife. i never gave her much thought, and when i did, i was jealous. i was told---and willingly believed---that they had nothing in common, his wife had no interest in him, and so on.
i have subsequently come to learn that she is very much in love with him, is very loving and attentive, and remains so despite one "transgression" early in their marriage that she knows about and has forgiven him for.
i feel the enormous weight of responsibility right now---knowing that my own shortcomings and poor choices, if revealed, could destroy the world of a perfect stranger who has done me no harm.
then, i was jealous-- now i am trying to heal, and feeling sorry that she does not know what i know, and that she does not have the chance to decide for herself what will and will not be a part of her life--or who, for that matter.
she is a little older than her H and has struggled with her weight, and worries that he looks to "greener pastures" all the while telling him that she wants to grow old with him and still hold his hand. it makes me feel ashamed, and i am glad. i really am. i am hoping that means that i am making progress.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 7:50pm

It's good to know we have a conscience.





Is that a side effect of the fog lifting?
I deserve my Dignity.
NC since 2/4/2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 7:54pm

I wonder how many lies I heard about her too though I'm sure he didn't see

I deserve my Dignity.
NC since 2/4/2010