Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?
40
Wed, 01-05-2011 - 3:22am

Im NOT throwing in the towel...Im NOT giving up...Im NOT gna be in an affair in 2011 and Im NOT breaking contact.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010

Oh, my little honey bun. I am worried that he can hack into your stuff. Plus, wasn't he stalking you here on EAS for a while??

I related to a lot of what you said in your post. My xAP was also a public figure, but probably not to the extent that yours is because he was never on Regis, although he did make USA Today!! Whatever. I certainly was drawn to the power aspect

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2010

I'm so sorry about your pain and meltdown.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007

Seriously, he hacked into your email and deleted all of your messages? I am an IT professional with a graduate degree in Computer Science and a lot of years of IT experience and I can tell you that the only way that someone can hack into your email is if they have access to your personal residence; they know you so well that they can answer your challenge questions for your email account; or they capture your IP address and network into your computer. All three of those things require that they have some contact with you or your computer. Now maybe he saved your IP address while at your residence and is hacking into your computer???? IDK; but what I do know is that this man wants to keep you and his relationship with you a secret. After all, you signed up for being his secret and now he wants to keep it that way. It's not about you and what you look like, it's about you settled for it in the beginning and now he doesn't want the rules to change. He doesn't want to hurt his family and his career. It has nothing or little to do with you as an individual. You and him played a deceitful game and now he wants the game to be over.

You settled for being hidden in his life and now he wants to bury his dirty little deed and doesn't want the world to know what a liar and cheater he is. But alas, anyone of us who have been in an A is or has been a liar or cheater. The bottom line is that you have to find a way to stop making this guy the center of your universe. No one deserves to be given so much power over another individual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

Dear Michele,

First off, I was to tell you that WOMAN do I get the feelings you are feeling ... I do. Right down to the watching them succeed while you struggle .... in my case I get to see his name published on my work. I am as invisible as I allowed myself to become. AND IT SUCKS.

However, Myra's post was right on. In particular, I found these points particularity spot-on - so I have just re-posted because they deserve revisiting!:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Michelle,

I want to give you a big hug first and I really want you to feel that hug that comes from everyone who cares about you:) At the start of nc for me I struggled with how it seemed that people thought my xap was a great guy and didn't seem to believe some of the nasty things he did. I believe I finally get it, it doesn't matter if anyone believes me or not. I believe myself and I am thankful I am not accepting that bad behaviour any longer. You know how your xap was and you know how he is now. You are not wrong in what your experience with him was, believe yourself because your the one who matters in this. Big hugs again, I really feel for you:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009

Seems to me, being a public figure, he is afraid of D-Day, hence trying to silence you - shutting down your blog and hacking into your email to erase any evidence of the affair. Just another proof of what a little meaning all of it ever had to him. So many of us held on to those emails for dear life...rereading them just to hurt ourselves, thinking that's real HIM, the one you fell in love with. Not that spoiled, immature, selfish and manipulative jerk who he turned out to be in reality.

He tries to do damage control, or God forbid, everyone will find out what a naughty boy he really is. Yes, it is perfectly ok to be mad at him and hate his guts, as long as you're not acting out on it.

And he really was abusive. What kind of BS is that - you can be 50 and hot and happy. WITHOUT him, of course.

Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

Dear Michelle,

You are in a spot and angry because he hacked your email.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

((Michelle)), my Belle....

<>>

Oh, come on now, we are only 5 days into this month/NY. Does this mean it's going to take the next 26 days of this month to harden your wax again? :smileywink:

Listen. I understand ANGER. We were inseperable my first year out, but you can utilize it to propel you forward; let it become your motivator, your guiding light, your inner strength...BUT DO NOT LET it control your life. Some anger is healthy...this is the kind I am talking about.

Okay, he has DELETED you. Ouch. That has/had to hurt like hell, but isn't that what we advise everyone here to do? You are going to get past this, Michelle. I'm not saying

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Ladies,

Thank you all so much for responding to me, in

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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