Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?
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Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?
| Wed, 01-05-2011 - 3:22am |
Im NOT throwing in the towel...Im NOT giving up...Im NOT gna be in an affair in 2011 and Im NOT breaking contact.

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Therein lies the problem my friend, YOU believed him ):
It's this simple to me:
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck Michele.
It's a duck.
Dress it up any which way you want - but yup "quack"
It's a duck.
Just a plain old, cliche AFFAIR.
(((hugs)))
There's a tendency to over-focus on what an azzhole the exAP is.
FARK.
YOURE RIGHT.
I BELIEVED HIM.
DAMMIT. THIS RESPONSIBLITY THING IS KILLIN ME! :)
I BELIEVED HIM.
I BOUGHT INTO IT.
I LET IT DO A NUMBER ON ME.
I HOPED.
I WAITED.
I PUT MY LIFE ON PAUSE.
I MADE EXCUSES FOR HIM.
I IDEALIZED HIM.
I ROMANTICIZED THIS MUD.
I KEPT MYSELF STUCK.
I BELIEVED HIM.
I CHOSE TO BE POLLYANNA-ISH.
You tell the TRUTH woman!
THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHERE IM AT!
I have to accept and face some ugly truths about him and the a, to knock him from the pedestal in my own mind.
I have to take responsibility for MY VISION AND MY INABILITY to think unkindly of him and to call this SPADE A SPADE. Or as TU just said...to see the DUCK (cuz its quacking) and to see him as Jam. <--- a disgusting, lying, using jam.
Yes...I have a problem expressing my anger - I FEEL it but I tend to stifle expressing it and then turn it on myself. Also, I
Michelle -
<<<< YOURE RIGHT. I BELIEVED HIM>>>
When we are loving, caring, forgiving, compassionate women it's easy to believe - especially when we WANT to believe so badly. If it makes you feel any better, at least you didn't buy into it for 7.5 years like I did!
7.5 years, Man. If Im this SPRUNG on 3 years...I cant IMAGINE, doubling it.
Yes...That's what my gf told me this morning. It probably all helps with his guilt.
I want to remain
Michele, what's going on?
You're not in that/this phase.
NOT after all that's been done to you by him
I know you Believed him and for that you take responsibility.
But I DON'T understand what You are idealizing.
HE IS JAM.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN you are JUST ANOTHER WOMAN.
and maybe that's a little part of this.
That somehow if he's JAM, it means you're JAW.
?
Michelle,
<<>>
I'm don't think it's something you get through - it's a process - like I said in my Zensesday post. Every single day you have to work on it.
<<<>>>
I don't know if I'm tougher, I just make sure that the strengths I have are used in a genuine way. I'm still very, very guarded with people - fallout from 7.5 years - and that's what I'm working on now.
<<>>
Again - I can't say that I never think about him in an ideal way. I still do - but I let it pass and I remind myself of what I want in my RL.
Think about what TU said - I think she's onto something. I've realized that part of why I might have held on for so long was because I wanted to "win" and prove that I was more than the OW. That we were different. We weren't really - we were ducks.
Bodhi
I am SO thankful to be here - where for my HIGHEST GOOD - I TRUST you all to hand me these QUESTIONS
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