Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?
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Do You mind if I Rant, Kick and Scream for a Minute or Two?
| Wed, 01-05-2011 - 3:22am |
Im NOT throwing in the towel...Im NOT giving up...Im NOT gna be in an affair in 2011 and Im NOT breaking contact.

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BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN you are JUST ANOTHER WOMAN.
Im ENLARGING THAT AND PUTTING IT ON MY MIRROR!!!!!
Would you tell me, how is this True TU?
I swear I am honestly asking that question.
How does him being a JAM NOT make me JAW?
Bodhi,
Hi Mom. :)
I like saying that. :)
Thank you for your loving words.
Hug you back,
Michelle
Im gna make like an Accountant and RECONCILE THIS! hahahahha (accounting humor! so funny!!!) :)
xo
Oh my darling Michelle
Do you know I just love you to pieces?
Do you?
I wrote a big old blog post tonight - about some of these same things.... but this statement you made - struck me square in the nose...
I feel like a self help book that has all these good things written in it...but all the pages got ripped out...and fell on the floor and somebody picked it back up and said, "Here. Make sense of this'.
Even with all the HUGE transformations I've had in my life, I find myself wondering sometimes about where I woulda, coulda, shoulda been and if I would be happy.
Hi M,
I guess what I was trying to impart - was that INDEED you are not defined in relation to him - that is JUST because HE is JAM, doesn't mean that YOU ARE DEFINED as Just ANOTHER WOMAN. In fact, I think everyone on this board would testify to the fact that you are anything BUT JUST ...
The point is, the STRUGGLE is, to define yourself yourself. Not be your past mistakes, or your individual actions, but by the COLLECTIVE actions of a lifetime ...
Were you just another lay? Perhaps. Who cares. This is also the struggle. I think you still care. I think you need to feel like you weren't JAW, I get that. I GET THAT. But that is a stuck point. Because you ARE continuing to think yourself through his actions. If I WASN'T JAW ... then .. then what?
It's about more than figuring out why you defined yourself in relation to him - as I recall you addressed feeling like you always defined youself in relation to others. WHY? What did it mean? Why did you sacrifice you own needs to have your needs met ONLY vicariously through satisfying others? Where did you learn that? How did you learn that? When did you ever MEET your NEEDS first EVEN when it meant hurting someone else? Is ending this affair the first time?
Get beneath the re-programming & re-conditioning, to find out why you were programmed this way in the first place. I believe that kinda work matters.
And sometimes ... we have to accept that people's actions/thoughts/behaviours are paradoxical ... in that really really really amazing and beautiful people can also behave in really hurtful ways. To ourselves and others.
TU.
Big hugs to you Michelle!!!
I think you are suffering from an ego blow after that hack to your email!
(((Hugs)))
Newlife, you say that you are a kind and caring person. I know this is not popular on this board to talk about the W, but did you ever think about his W. When he came to you telling you how he wasn't in love with his W and he didn't want to be M but yet stayed and basically pretended to her that he wanted to be M. Do you ever ask yourself, what about her? Did the kind woman that you are ever think about the fact that he was basically holding another woman in a M and using her and you to get exactly what he wanted. I am not trying to hurt you. What I am trying to get you to see is that when we engage in an A, we are selfish and manipulative. Both parties are, not just the MM. It doesn't matter what he told you in the beginning, you knew there was another woman whom he was going home to every day and lying to and betraying. I'm sure you are a very good person, but good people think about consequences before they participate in betrayal. In a couple of months when you are out of the fog, you should read your post. Your post screams me, me, me and how you were fooled and how you allowed yourself to be put in a position where you were willing to be party to deceit. I think the first step is to realize that you entered into a M, someone else's M. It doesn't matter what he told you. Whatever he told you doesn't matter. It's about you and how you were willing to compromise who you are and how you were willing to be a third wheel in another woman's M.
Oh Michelle,
Sorry you were struggling yesterday. I’m glad Enders rushed in and gave you support.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
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