Do you think it would help if I

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do you think it would help if I
16
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:55am
talked to ex-MM, to just close the door. As it stands now, we both know that it is over, but I just need to say it to him. I need some sort of closure to this relationship, and what I'm doing now is not helping. He would never be man enough to say, "it's over". There are some things I really want to say to him. I may feel better, and he may say somethings that make me feel worse, but it's something that I feel like I need to do.

I'm so scared, I've got butterflies in my stomach, because I plan to do this at lunch which is about an hour away.

Need your opinion

Secret...............

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:59pm
I am feeling the hurt, but I also want to focus on my H and kids. I feel extremely guilty about what I have done. If there is one thing I can say about all this is that I have learned from this experience. It will never happen to me again. First time I ever did something so out of content and it really bit me in the behind. I have been left with a lot of hurt. I am not to sure about him. For what he said to me is that he felt something would be missing in his life too. I am not going to talk bad about him because he relly never gave me motive this was a mutual decision on both our parts. We almost got caught and we both freaked. I hope I can get pass this. My family deserves better and because of them I am going to put this behind me.

Take Care......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 10:44am
I'm not sure if you have contacted him yet or not, I just read this post, but I needed to throw my two cents in for your sake. I tried to contact my MM after I told him I wanted to end things for the 500 time. He wouldn't take my calls, wouldn't return my text messages or e-mails - he had done this before, so had I, so it was pretty much the game that we played. I felt it was my DUTY to get things off my chest so I kept pushing the issue. Basically I didn't take time to think about what a complete phsyco I was being. Now, that is his last memory of me. Nutso. Insane. And I didn't feel the slightest bit better after I finally got him to talk to me. Think about what you are going to say...it probably doesn't need to be said and TRUST ME you probably won't feel any better after getting it off your chest. For me it was just another reason to try and contact him. If its over, stick with it.....you'll be a better person for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 3:45pm
Hi Frisco,

I had my contact with him 1 week ago Monday. We finally ended things. Just like u we had done this many times but never stuck to it. This time it is different I can feel it and we both talked about it. I have never acted like a lunitic with him and we both knew exactly were we stood with this affair. The reason why it ended was not because things got bad between us, it was because we almost got caught. I did not want to end this affair, but it was the right thing to do for both of us. I know I have a long road to recovery because of what I feel for him. I am very determined to move on....

Thank You for your advice, If there is anything I can do for u please dont hesitate.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 4:10pm
I'm glad that you ended things before they got ugly. Like I said before, we tried several times to end things...we wouldn't speak for a week or two and then one of us would cave. I think this time I lost control. It was like I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't use my head, I used my mouth and I am pretty sure that he hates me. I deserve it. I acted insane (thinking about it now, I actually scared myself). I know its better that he hates me because I don't have to worry about my cell phone being on when H is home, and I don't have to stare at my e-mail hoping he'll send me a message. Its odd, my head knows I am doing the right thing. Now, if I could just tell my heart, and my body, I'll be better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:45pm
Wow I am sorry things happened that way for u. Maybe u should take this time and try to just heal and move on. Like I said in the posting I just sent to you, Stay busy and try not to think,( EASIER SAID THAN DONE, I KNOW) everything happens for a reason. Thats what I keep telling myself. Concentrate on your family, dont let him get the best of you, and if he contacts u,be strong. I sure am trying. I just deleted an e-mail I received from him a little while ago. He just wanted to say hello and see how I was. I am dying right now. Thank god for this board....

Take Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:51am
Secret,

Let us know how things worked out at your lunch.

I know a lot of the responses to your dilemma were telling you not to bother trying to talk to him, but in my case it helped a lot once I was able to finally sit down alone and speak with him for 15 minutes. In my case I just wanted to let him know that I appreciated the good things he did for me, and treasured the nice memories I had, but for his sake and mine I will be keeping my distance from now on. He needed it because I knew that trying to have any kind of relationship with me right now was too much pressure on him and I needed it because not being able to be with him was too much heartache and pressure for me.

Anyway, it was really a nice ending. I told him I'd always admire him - from afar.

It's been about a week now, and I'm doing great because I said the things I really needed to say to him, he listened, yet it was done in a way so that there was no argument, no hard feelings, and we were able to express how important we had been in each other's lives, but the logistics of trying to continue were so complicated that it really wasn't worth it. I don't know if any of this speaks to you, but sometimes this type of approach can work. Did for me. It made ME feel better, and that's all that really counts now, isn't it?

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