Does anyone end up with MM in the end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Does anyone end up with MM in the end?
6
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 3:52pm

I have but it's recent and I'm in constant feeling that he'll crash and go back? It was my choice to begin dating him again instead of waiting for the divorce to be final. For those who don't know my story, I'll give you a short version. He was seperated, we dated, he returned to her for a few wks during the holidays (which for the first 2 wks I was with him then I chose NC for the last 2), were officially back together now. So, I feel and want to be elated, and at times am so, but can't shake the feeling of What if???

Anyone have a similar experience or would like to comment?

Thanks,
Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:24pm

Doves

Your case is a little different from the average in that he had already left his wife so you may do better then the average.

according to the stats 5- 10 percent leave there wife for the OW, and less the 5 percent of affair based relationships once in the open last more then a year.

BUT yours does not really sound like a true affair to me at least.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:54pm

I did end up with my MW, without any trepidation after one "final attempt". In retrospect, I wish I hadn't gone back that one last time, however, as most fencesitters know, I just "had to be sure" I had "tried everything".


I hope your MM is "done" and that his divorce goes forward withou any further glitches so the two of you can focus on your relationship.


Good luck,


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 8:25pm

Hiya Doves,

I was the married affair partner, exOM was in a long-term committed relationship. We lived together off & on for roughly 18mos after I separated from my DH in order to be with exOM.

During that time, if exOM & I were in an off phase of our on/off relationship, then I simply returned to my own home where I lived alone. DH had remained in the matrimonial home. Playing with DH's feelings or with exOM's by dancing between the two of them wasn't something I was prepared to do to either of them.

In the end, on discovery that there'd been lies told by exOM (both overt & by omission), I was unable to continue our relationship even despite a then 1yr old daughter fathered by exOM. Ultimately, when exOM demanded I choose, I chose to tear up the golden ticket and to remain on my own.

My daughter is now 2yrs old and I'm happily rebuilding my marriage with DH and together we're raising my daughter as a family.

Simple fact is that grass needs to be mown regardless of what side of the fence it's on. Once the shiny, brand-newness of the affair wears off, you discover that it's a relationship just like any other. Amongst other things, relationships require work, regular maintenance and good sprinkling of TLC.

I am fortunate in that I am not financially dependent upon anyone else and the prospect of being a single parent genuinely isn't one that particularly phases me.

In the end, a relationship with a foundation of honesty & integrity won hands-down for me over the relationship that had been built on lies, deceit & betrayal of others.

I hope only that it works out for the best for all concerned, Doves.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:05pm

I am with a man who is now separated.

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:29pm

Cool beans, Ful!

Good to hear from ya, poppet!

Hey, when did all this happen then?! Last I recall, he'd returned to STBXW "for the kids" and you'd ended the EMA with a view to moving on with your life!

Did MM ever get around to filing or are you simply awaiting the Decree Absolute now?

How's his therapy for issues surrounding the serial cheating thing going?

How are MM & STBXW adjusting to co-parenting? And how are *you* adjusting to co-parenting? And interacting with MM's STBXW?!

With Dove's post very much in mind, in what way do you feel *this* time is different from the last time or times MM left but chose to return to STBXW? Any danger signs Doves should look out for, etc.?

Wow! Gratz & thanks for the update, Ful!

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:05pm

Thank you all for your responses.

I will go forward but with caution. We love each other so much and if we've gotten this far, then I can only hope that it will continue for the better. He seems to be standing strong. He put the house up for sale yesterday, met with his attorney for the second time and continues to tell her that this was a choice he had wanted to make for a very long time. Like I said, he was already seperated before we even met, and for a year not just a few months. I will protect my heart though, I know I need to.

Thanks again for all your kind advice and I wish you all well with your individual situations. Reading these threads have helped me so much, even though I have rarely written.

Doves