Does this happen to other women too?
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Does this happen to other women too?
| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:11am |
I haven't been to this board in awhile. But I do say a prayer for all those who are here. And I know you all can help me with this or at least give some insight. Quick background. I was with a man who was engaged & almost called off his wedding. Well, he got married on May 15. About a week later, I get a phone call saying he thinks he made the biggest mistake of his life. All his friends and family know he's in love with me, but didn't want to call off his wedding because she spent alot of money.
What tends to happen in these situations? I love this guy. Why, I don't know. But when I was with him, I was happy. Anyhow... will they last, or will he end up leaving? what tends to happen? I don't think he'll leave for me, but I don't think his marriage will last. I mean, he was calling me a week later. Wassup with that?

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however...that sounds wonderful in theory but is difficult in practice.
He may truly love you and believe with all his heart that he made a mistake, I don't doubt his feelings. The thing is, he's obviously got some real issues. Don't get any further involved with him or his mess. He needs to take some responsibility to his new bride and if he did make a mistake, an annulment or divorce is absolutely in order for him. But that's part of his journey, not yours. By standing by him through this all, you're enabling him to eat cake. That's not going to help you one single bit. Run like h#ll, honey. You deserve so much more! JMHO. Love, Mo.
Sweetie, you are so focused on HIM, on his needs, on what he wants to hear. You are more concerned about his loss than your own. I'm telling you, you are way too close to this to have any perspective. You HAVE to give yourself some room, some time to breathe, and figure out what is true, what is healthy. The drama, the rush of emotions, the fantasy...all those things are so blinding. If it is real, if it is true, it will be there when and if his marriage crumbles. But as someone previously posted, that is his journey, not yours. Codependents often want to make that journey for someone else to spare them the pain. There is a lot of dignity in figuring things out for yourself. Give him that dignity. Let him go. Bring the focus back to you. IMHO.
I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm sending you lots of hugs and warm thoughts. Good luck!
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