Does he miss you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Does he miss you?
3
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:46pm
Well i don't post too much lately.It's been 14 month's since my A ended and i'm doing "okay".I still miss him and think about him probably more than i should.My Marriage is doing great,i feel my Husband and i are gonna make it,but i still think/wonder about OM all the time.I also having a burning desire inside to know if he ever thinks about me.I wonder,"does he ever miss me"..why do i do that to myself?He has gotten married since we ended it and his good friend tells me they are doing great.I logged online 2 nights ago and saw his name on yahoo.It was almost 11 at night.Yahoo is where we talked everyday and night and i wondered,what was he doing on that late if he's newly married..where was the new bride??Was he thinking about me while he was online??

I could kick myself for still holding onto him this way.Do you ever wonder if he thinks about you,does he miss you...or am i alone in this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:06pm
Hi SoLost.

These affairs are awfully powerful aren't they? Even after all this time and work repairing your marriage, I guess those feelings can resurface. I think we will all be in recovery for a loooooong time, just like any other addiction recovery process. There's a reason recovering alcoholics stay away from drinking forever, and don't put themselves in situations to be tempted. We will need to do the same thing. I learn more every day that my affair was a serious addiction.

I wonder all the time what my xOM is thinking. Does he miss me? Does he ever think about me? I think that it's normal, but it's how we REACT to those thoughts that matters. I used to log on to my old IM account just to see if he was on and if he would IM me. That led to heartache and RELAPSES! I had to stop doing that. It's a struggle every day (we work together) but we have to make conscious choices to feel our emotions, but not to let them dictate our actions. It's ok to wonder. I wonder about my high school boyfriend who is happily married, too! But stay away from the messages, emails, etc. You've closed that door and rebuilt the house. Don't let the door crack open and let in all of that pain again.

:) I wish you the best of luck in your journey. I hope to be as far as you've made it SOON!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 11:20pm
I did this too. Up until about a month ago, I thought about my MM every day - even if a few minutes. I was angry with him, even though I left him and ended the A. I was angry for loving him and now knowing it was phony.

Until a few weeks ago, I was working too hard, not getting enough sleep and cranky and irritable. I just fell apart one day and opened myself up to my boyfriend (a good one & NOT married!) and got a lot of fears and frustration and sadness out, including talking about my MM. It was the last bit of hurt I needed to get out along with some other stuff. My BF was great. He listened and comforted me and didn't judge. It brought us a lot closer. I think he was stunned that I loved my MM. He figured it was all about sex.

I'm finally free of it. I don't think of him anymore. I forgive him his foolishness and I forgive myself for doing so wrong. I know I loved him. It was wrong but some good did come from it. We used each other to escape unhappiness and to live a little fantasy together. It wasn't real but it was a safe place for me, while I recovered from my divorce. A little refuge for him while he had a mid-life crisis or something.

Maybe you need to find a way to let out that sadness and loss and maybe a little anger. I don't know. I didn't figure this one out. It just happened its own way & in its own time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:06pm

For a while during my 17 years of affairs and a couple years after the affairs I wondered if the xOW's still missed me. I mean, how could they not? I was Mr. Wonderful....LOL


Seriously, though, I think it's normal to wonder every now and then if the ex misses or missed us. It's some kind of self-validation thing we do. We all want to know that we counted as something more than just a convenient good time. That the relationship had some kind of substance to it.


I think you can answer the questions yourself. If the ex thought the relationship meant something, then the memory of the good times will remain somewhere in their brain and heart. If it didn't mean anything, then I'd rather not know because it had meaning of sorts to me. Be that as it may, the affair is in the past and the present is what I/you have chosen.....


So let's let those thoughts blow in one ear and out the other and turn our attention back to our spouses and families.....they're there 24/7.


cl-nre