does it ever work out?
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does it ever work out?
| Thu, 03-10-2005 - 10:45am |
I may be in the wrong place - please let me know if I am. I'm just not sure what category I fall into anymore.
My marriage has been crumbling for over a year now and we've made the decision to separate. I know it was wrong, and probably didn't help the situation, but I was involved in an A w/ a married coworker for a few months. It didn't last long, and I know that W and I would have separated anyway.
So now what? I know that I have to rebuild my own life first, but then what? Could I ever persue the OW? (if she was ever available) I care about her deeply, and I'd love to be with her one day, but that makes a lot of things complicated for both of us. Do these things ever work out????
Thanks
Rob

I want her to be happy - and I don't plan on pressuring her to leave her H. In fact, I thought that NC would be best for us both for a while.
I was just wondering what the chances would be - if it was even worth thinking about. You're right, statisticly it doesn't usually work out. I wasn't really talking marriage though - even a friendship would be great one day.
There would be a lot to get past - aside from the obvious - us probably not being able to trust one another, we both have to deal w/ whatever personal issues we had that drew us into an A to begin w/. Not to mention that it would look a little strange to friends and family if we ever ended up together.
Rob
You may not be thinking marriage but some were down the road if you were to have a relationship with he she will, SO you have about a 3 percent chance as a couple married or not, not good odds.
Nobody ever believes there affair did there marriage in but it does because it sucks energy out of the marriage that is needed to have any hope of fixing it.
NO CONTACT is the best IDEA but permanent not short term so that she can deal with her marriage with out obsessing about you, read the post around here and you will see what I mean about obsessing women.
Free
rob,
FREE is right, NC is the way to go albeit hard to do for most but it will get there
- do u have kids ?, if u do u can concentrate on them, u are not divorced yet, just separated, maybe u can work on your M if still possible
u have to make yourself happy , find yourself so to speak, im doing the same thing, OW is still attached in a way so she cannot be with, so only time will tell but u have to continue living , do u want to wait for her? that is all up to u, in the mean time what will u do while waiting, be miserable?, im in that stage right now and its not a cake walk, have to let go and if MW will be single and u are still single then go for it again
take care of yourself, its a long road ahead of us,
max
at least we have more male poster here now
Thanks (and thanks 'Free' as well)
I don't know that the A sucked any energy away from the M - I don't want to go into too much detail, but it wasn't exactly my lack of effort that was working against it. It's a very civil separation - and it's for the best. It was just time.
I do have a lot of other things to focus on to make this a smooth transition for myself and my family. Honestly, guys, I only mention the affair related parts b/c that's what this board was for. While, it's not the central focus for me right, now, I do still wonder about what could happen w/ she and I in the future. Free - I do understand the 'obsessing' factor you're talking about w/ women in affairs. I don't want to ruin her marriage, but I also don't want to miss out on something that could have been great. I suppose time will tell.
Thanks again.