Does it get any better?
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Does it get any better?
| Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:10pm |
Does it get any better? I posted here the other day after the MM's W found out again for the 2nd time. Of course MM wanted the relationship to continue, thinking his W would be none the wiser. I told him that there was no way we could hide this considering everyone knew about us. He said there is to many feelings and and to much time invested for us to stop.(Have you all heard that line before?) Anyways H and I went to a M counselor and the M counselor was pretty brutal about what he thought about our situation. I wish I could say what he said about me wasn't true. He was right, I am selfish and I have disregarded the fact that for the last 2 years I have been destroying another womans family. Anyways, my immediate family lives in another state. I broke down on the phone and told them about everything. Now my family wants me to come stay with them and file for divorce. The MM wants me to get my own place so we can continue the relationship. H wants me to stay and us to go to M counseling. I guess I am one of those people who wants to please everyone, but to be honest I don't know which way is up. I read the post on this board and I am assuming most of you are in NC periods right now? Well I am still in contact with the MM. It has been 1 week to the day since we were "together" and we have continued to talk on the phone numerous times a day. We are still saying "I love you" and "I miss you" and so forth. I guess my point is I don't know if I am posting on the right boards. I guess I am wondering how I get the nerve to walk away from a man that has been part of my life for the last 2 years. Everytime I try we talk and I don't follow through. Then we have tried the whole "friend" thing and it always leads us back to where we started. Does it ever get any better? Any easier? I hope I haven't offended any one or crossed any lines posting this.

No you have not offended anyone here.
You need to decide what you want to do with your life and family, none of this has anything to do with XMM.
TOTAL NO CONTACT ENFORCED BY YOU, is the only way to even begin to get out of and over this.
Now I will risk offending you by telling XMM is not and never has been a true friend because real friends do not do things to wreck the lives of there friend, they do not incourage them to break there VOWS to lie and cheat, for the last two years XMM has been using you to satisify his needs and you have done the same to him, it is like in all AFFAIRS about "ME ME ME" and what I WANT/NEED medicating my internal problems and MAYBE marriage problems.
Listen to your counselor his/her job is to tell you the truth, he/she has no agenda other then helping you, XMM does.
The truth is a hard thing to deal with at times but dealing with it is the only way back to having a real life above board.
Good luck
Free
It is over the minute you decide it is, it takes two to have an affair.
Keep seeing your IC she can help you understand way you want to be controled.
Free
Thank you for your replies. I know it is time to make some important decisions about my life and the lives of my children. I know I have to be a positive role model for them and I know living my life like this isn't setting a good example. I sometimes think that the other women on here must be stronger than I am. I admire how you all have made a decision and stuck by it. I was seeing an individual counselor(is that what IC means?) before the A started. She was helping me deal with my past. Maybe I should seek individual counseling as well as marriage counseling? I hope to get past all of this and make a better life for me and my kids. I suppose the truth is hard to hear sometimes, but I know now it is time to face the truth. I guess I wanted to believe since my H knew about the A that it wasn't hurting my family. I am now seeing the reprecussions of the A. Thanks again you have helped more than you could possibly know. I hope to keep posting here and getting the support I need.
The support is here as long as you want it.
Has your husband got IC, his see know evil speak no evil policy toward your affair suggests that he may need some help of his own to deal with the emotional fall out of this, perhaps there is a past issue behind this policy that needs looking at.
I don't know your story but I wonder none the less if you see your husband as weak and that is way your gravitating toward mister controling cake eater.
Free