Does it get easier?
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Does it get easier?
| Wed, 01-26-2005 - 9:33pm |
I have done well with the nc. But it gets very difficult when I see him at work and we can't even look at or talk with each other. I don't run into him often. Our A had not reached the sex part yet but we very intimate in other ways. Neither one of us wanted to end the A but had to because our spouses found out. I am feeling bad tonight because I saw him yesterday at work and it is like we are strangers. I miss him so much and wish this longing for "what could have been" would go away. He is a very kind man and I enjoyed our frienship very much. When will this grieving end and what do I do in the meantime? I appreciate any insight you can give.

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Midnightbl-
No answers here. I work with my MM, and I know how hard it is to stick to NC. Anytime I broke it off or we got into a disagreement going to work was a burden.
JMHO
Be thankful your A was in the beginning stages and has ended early. It becomes more and more difficult to let it go as time goes by. It can ruin your and his career if either of your spouses choose to push the issue. Be careful. Don't initiate any contact with him. Although the attraction may still be very much alive, again be thankful it ended before it ever really got started.
Forbidden fruit is often times the desires of our hearts. Be careful and be strong. Everything happens for a reason!!!!!
SS
MNB
" what do I do in the meantime?"
You should start by looking at and dealing with the reasons you thought it was OK to cheat on your respective spouses just as long as they did not catch on.
I don't really expect you to accept this but, you never really knew him, you called him a kind man, were was this kindness to his wife and your husband.
YOU have to decide that you want it over and that you want to re-build your relationship with your husband if you don't your going to have a very slow very hard recovery.
JMHO
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midnightbl-
<<>>
It will take time and working together really does prolong the agony. So was it more an emotional A? How did the spouses find out? Just curious.
SS
We have all been there...some still struggling with it. I liked feeling irresponsible, crazy, and daring. I felt like a teenager again. I loved to "play" dress up. I have always been the responsible/don't take risk type. This was so out of character for me. Although I have a very lively, fun personality, I usually (and still do) become uncomfortable if someone is trying to hit on me. But him....NO! It was different. I have to laugh b/c when my friends seen him...they said, "Hell no. What are you thinking? He is so not your type!" But there was this attraction that I just can't explain. So I know what you are talking about! How is the state of your marriage? You said "intimate" things took place...over a year and nothing else?
SS
My marriage is doing good. My husband was very angry at first. He has now accepted it and is moving on. I need to move on also and try to make my marriage as good as the A was. That would be impossible, but I can make it the best it can be. We have been married a very long time and dated for many years before marriage. We are in a different stage in our relationship. The A was in the courtship stage, where you can;t wait to see them and you are bubbly and they are so cute etc. Maybe that is what I miss in my marriage. The fun and excitement. I'll have to find some ways to bring back a little spark. I know it will be never be that fresh, forbidden, fun that the A was.
Are you married?
Yes...7 and a half years. We have two children...7 years and 3 years old. Sometimes, I wake up and still can't believe I did this. I just can't believe it. Yesterday, I missed him so badly. It took everything I had not to send an email to him. I woke up feeling like I can do this...ya know. Came into work to find an email that he sent last night. I felt so relieved. I felt I wasn't in this by myself and he's thinking of me too. We never really discussed the A. We skirted around the issue...never admitting to each other that this was unhealthy behavior. We said we would never leave our spouses...but looking back over the last 6 months...the word affair never came up. I think the guilt manifested itself in anger toward each other.
As I stated, my DH comes home soon. I pray he doesn't feel the distance. It's hard to pretend that I haven't changed in the past 8 months. Through this affair, I realized much about myself and the growth that still needs to occur within me. I am difficult at times and very self-centered, which I never knew before. All that was lacking in my marriage before, I blamed him for it. Now...I see it wasn't all his fault. MM told me I was very selfish and liked to have everything my way all the time. Well...DH has told me that before as well. So I see now that as imperfect as my marriage may seem at times, if I don't work on myself...all the same issues will resurface in another relationship. I am thankful for that.
SS
I hear what you are saying so loud and clear. My A has not officially ended, but i know that it has got to. Like you, there was no sex and not even kissing. Just a level of emotional intimacy and comfort that I have never felt before. I love my husband and he is the greatest person in the world, but I will never have that level of emotional intimacy that I had with OM. How could I end it? I know its the right thing, but do I end it and tell husband? Does it get easier?
Edited 4/14/2005 2:12 pm ET ET by spanishtrain
ST
" I love my husband and he is the greatest person in the world, but I will never have that level of emotional intimacy that I had with OM."
Rubbish Everyone believes that when there in the affair or have just recently ended it but it is total rubbish, your affair is more then likely stopping you from working toward that type of connection with your HUSBAND, AFFAIRS ROB FROM YOUR REAL LIFE, end it before you pay a life altering price for it.
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