Does the MM hurt too?
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| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 4:51am |
I'm trying to end an A and nearly there!
During the time I have been seeing the MM I have had the rollercoaster of emotions we all know so well.
My question to you, is, do you think the MM hurts at all when they are not seeing you? I am wondering whether they experience any of the pain we do, the yearning, and wanting to be with them. Or if it is a case of out of sight, out of mind.
I have never admitted to MM how sad and in turmoil I feel when I am not with him, nor have I asked if he even thinks about me when we are not together - somehow that would be weak.
Have any of you ladies ever asked these questions, or have any insight into the mind of a MM when they are not with you.
I would be so greateful for your opinions and views.
Love to you all,
Orchid

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In my experience XMM hurts about the same. Men and women experience emotions differently, of course, but losing a relationship creates a hole in his life also. My XMM and I had ended things a couple times before, and so I know what he was going through during those times (this XMM was pretty open with his feelings -- no unspoken thoughts :-) Since we are NC now however, I can't speak for his feelings now.
The thing I have to keep telling myself is that IT DOESN'T MATTER. The A is over and he is out of my life and soon to be out of my thoughts. That doesn't mean I can erase all the feelings I had, but what he is feeling needs to be irrelevant to me because I need to deal with my own feelings and work on getting him out of my mind. Whether he is hurting or not does not change the fact that I need to be strong and i need to maintain the NC. He will deal with his feelings and he will need to move on. That's just the way it is...
Try to forget about his feelings -- if you are really committed to ending it -- you are doing both of you a favor by not trying to talk about the feelings at the end. Sometimes you never get that kind of closure...
IMO..yes they hurt also, but what does it matter? You are the one hurting..YOU need to take care of YOU.
They hurt as well, maybe for different reasons and in different ways but yes I believe they hurt also...their hurt should be not be of your concern..YOUR hurt should be! The torment you go through...
Just my .02
Hugs
MB
Some do some don't, if his wife were to learn about his cheating ways SHE would hurt the same way you would.
There is really only the one option and that is to cut your losses and get out because nothing will get better until you do.
JMHO
FREE
Yes I do believe men hurt just like we do, the thing is men tend to hide there emotions better than we do. Remember There are alot of things you need to hide when having an A, specially if both parties are married. Hurting after the breakup is something we all have to hide in different ways. My OM was a very emotional person he did show me what he felt for me and how sad he was it needed to end. I do beleive he hurts. You dont waste 3.5 years with someone for no reason, specially when my A did not end bad. It was a case of it just having to be. Men are not made of steal. When it boils down to it, we are all humans.
Hope this helps...
Take Care
LadyBug
I have no idea if he misses me or not. But as someone already said...IT DOESN'T MATTER. Yes, I hope he does, b/c I miss him still after almost 7 weeks of NC. However, those thoughts don't keep me from moving forward with my life and my future. No matter how good he and I were together, how much we clicked, how much I thought we were in love...it wasn't meant to be. It was wrong. We both need to get on with our lives.
So I guess my advice is the same as everyone else's...its okay to wonder, but don't dwell on his feelings. They are not important any more.
The ugly truth about affairs for most men and a lot of women is that there in it for themself it has little to do with the OP = other person or the spouses, it is about using someone else to satisfy there wants I will not agree that it is needs just selfish and sometime sick wants, real healthy giving love has little to do with it.
Do you still speak with your husband at all ?
Free
From my male perspective, I'd say that some MM's do and some MM's don't hurt.
It depends if they are in the affair just as a player looking for a playmate or if they're looking for relief from their own painful marriage and/or boredom.
Me, I hurt. Many times over......
cl-nre
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